Only Yours

38. Doubt

Tamina

I'm not sure how long the silence hangs over us, but it's tense. Brandon's showing no signs of adding anything to his statement, and I'm struggling to find some words of my own. When something does come to mind, my lips part to voice it when his head finally shakes. "Lucinda. . . was just a girl, a friend when we were all teenagers. I had a thing for her at the time, only—"

"Lucius liked her too," I finish with wide eyes.

His head stiffly nods, and no further words are needed. Close friends split up over a woman, one of the most common stakes of the heart. But how could it have ended so badly? Was she playing them? Did one of them cheat on her and rile up the other since they broke the heart of the woman they liked?

Taking a deep breath, I retort, "So what exactly happened with the three of you? And Lucius had mentioned something about you stealing things from him. . . did he mean Lucinda?"

Brandon makes a disbelieving noise in the back of his throat. "It's not important—"

"It is!" I exclaim, hating the dismissive underline of his tone. "No matter what happens, I feel as if we can't move on without this hanging over our heads"—taking it upon myself to pace for a moment while lining my thoughts, I run a hand through my hair— "This thing between you and Lucius needs to be fixed if we are to move on, and that means talking this over with him somehow. I'm not going to be the man in the middle of you two anymore."

His eyes narrow. "Why do you care so much?"

Mine mimic his. "Why don't you?"

He's silent again, and so am I. I've never wanted to slap sense into anyone as much as I do right now with this man. Hell, maybe I need it as well. Pushing it to the back of my mind, I clear my throat and steadily meet his gaze. "Tell me, I need to know."

With a low curse, he throws his hands in the air, and it's strange to see him un-composed like this. "Fine. She was stuck deciding who she should choose to be with, and I happened to be the one to bed her first. I'd been with plenty of girls at the time, and they'd loved being submissive, and along the way, some had even shown me what most would enjoy, and before I knew it, I'd succeeded in mastering control in the business and over women."

My breath turns shaky, and I'm finding it harder to bite my tongue with each of his words, but he doesn't stop.

"Ever since, Lucinda made up her mind she was into a bit of domination, and she was easy to control, so it was a win-win situation." Brandon flexes his fingers before occupying himself with another pace around the room before ending up in his original spot, and it unnerves me. "Lucius hated the fact I had the guts to get with her, and she loved the bad boy act. Later down the line when it came to settling down in the business, I was the better one, and Lucius was struggling to keep up; his dad wanted Lucius to join the hospitality route of all things, so he tried to steal my spotlight to spite everyone, it didn't work. Now he wants to fuck you to get back at me, does that answer your questions?" he rasps, and I'm speechless.

I'd never thought it would all come out like that. . . exactly like that. But it all falls into place, nonetheless. Lucius was trying to find some affection and earn a little bit of recognition even if it meant trying to steal from the latter wrongly. But Brandon had learnt to take what he wanted, no matter the cost.

He can't be like that now, not after what I'd seen. . . right?

"Y-you aren't using me now, are you?"

My voice trembles no matter how calm I try to make it. The thought of Brandon using me twists my stomach and pricks at my heart. After the promise I'd made myself, I let him in anyway. He was meant to be different.

After another beat of silence, I manage to whisper, "Do you even love me?"

He sighs, scrubbing his jaw. "I do. I wouldn't be here trying to make you fit in with my family if I didn't, nor would I buy you these things."

It doesn't take a genius to know he's referring to the trinkets and dinners. Gritting my teeth, I settle my tone. "Brandon, what is love to you?" I ask, not knowing if this is the road I want the conversation to go down.

He cocks a brow and itches the back of his neck as if he's never had to answer, let alone think about the question before. Perhaps I should've asked if he's ever loved someone.

When there's no response on his end, the unsureness in his eyes is all I need to know. With a shaky sigh, I finally say," If you don't know love, do you really know if you love me?" Swallowing the lump in my throat, I muster the strength to say, "Am I enough for you?" Shaking my head, I add, "Brandon, I want to be with you, but would you let me show you what love is? Or at least, would you let me love you enough?"

Brandon looks taken aback, and his features soften immensely. My heart does summersaults, and I'm determined to try, and I know I want this man more than anything. I'm in love, and it's painful, but that's what makes the heart grow stronger.

I'm about to take a step forward, and my arms are raised to wrap around him for a comforting hug when his expression turns blank, and he takes a step backward.

"Tamina. . . I do care about you, and I want to love you the right way. . . but to do that, I think we're going to need time from one another." His eyes divert from me. "I promise you, it won't be forever, just temporary. I'll come back for you with an honest answer, I swear to you."

It's like the world slows down to a complete standstill and freezes over, then a stab of anxiety and sadness hits me like a truck.

"A-are you breaking up with me?" I whimper.

Brandon's head tilts in acknowledgment slowly, as if he's uncertain himself. "I won't blame you if you find someone else in the meantime, we are having a break for a temporary span. As soon as I find my right mindset, I'll make sure you have no doubts about my love for you."

Tears trickle down my face when I don't want them to, and the urge to beg him to stay is great, but every fibre of my being is shoving the words in the back of my throat, so I'm spared from looking desperate. As if he can sense my turmoil, he makes a move in my direction, but I shake my head furiously.

"Are you saying that, so you don't feel guilty if you find someone?" I spit, needing him to feel at least a small amount of the hurt he's pushed on me. "If you even cared a little for me, you don't say that it's OK for me to be with another, especially if you plan to come back—" I laugh, and frustration builds within me, and tears flow freely. "—Actually, you shouldn't even be doing this! You expect to just swarm in and have me take you back? Well, no. That's not how this works, Brandon. You either want to be with me, or you don't. Considering the fact you just broke it off, I have the answer, you may leave."

His brows crease, and he tries to grab my hand, but I shake my head furiously again whilst stumbling away. Finally understanding I'm not having it; he nods slowly before pinching the bridge of his nose. "No, but I doubt there will be another on my mind. I'm not going to promise anything, since I'm sure you know better than anyone what the heart is like?"

Unable to find words for his stupid question, hating how he thinks there's a slightest chance we'll find other people. At this point, I doubt there will be anything that can make this worse, so I state, "If I find someone—and I plan to—don't expect me to be moping around waiting for you."

Halting in his path toward the exit, he glances over his shoulder and offers a small smile. "Tamina, we both know that's not going to happen."

With that, Brandon finally strolls out and shuts the door behind him instead of slamming it. Unable to keep myself together anymore, my body slumps into the sofa before bawling my eyes out. I should've expected something like this, he was too good to be true, and I fell in love with him.

And I doubt I'll fall out of love with him.

I'm not sure how long I've been huddled up on the sofa, sobbing the time away, but now is time for me to get up. Staring down at my phone on the coffee table, my fingers reach for it with the only person in mind who may be able to make me feel better. Without hesitation, I find the number and press call.