Insanity .//. S.M.

Chapter 1

She told her mother she wanted me to write her eulogy. Well she didn't exactly tell her she wrote it down on a piece of paper. The piece of paper that held her suicide note. I don't understand why she would want me to write it but her mom told me it was alright and what she wanted.

Hearing all this talk about her being really dead is enough to make a person go crazy. I wish she didn't take her life. I wish I wasn't that stupid. I wrote the little eulogy and this is what it said:

"Ashley I love you. I know you knew that. It was kinda love at first sight for me. Seeing you on YouTube singing one of my songs. I got teased for moths by Taylor who happened to be my room mate at the time and was one of your best friends. I hope it was the same for you, love at first sight. We went through everything together and I was hoping for us to work out. I don't know what happened while I was on tour for the last two months of touring, but I know it was enough to set something off in you. I love you and you are forever in my prayers
Love Shawn Peter Raul mendes ps I know you love it when I use my full name."

I read it over and over again, but I never made any changes to it, considering it was already perfect. Perfection wasn't her thing but it worked for her. She never thought she was perfect but she was. She was a beautiful master piece painted by Picasso.

I was finally told by lilah what was on that video she told me she sent her a video telling her to stay away from me. I don't think that was it, but it is okay. I am never going to forgive her. She wanted me now she can't have me. The only person that could have me is dead. The person I loved is dead. She will never know.

"Shawn!" I hear my sister come into my room. I am sitting at the desk in the hotel room looking over the eulogy I had written in the privious nights. I turn to Aaliyah and she says, "Are you ready?" I slip on my shoes and walk out the door with her. I am wearing a dress shirt with a tie and a jacket. My mom walks with us out to the car my dad had gotten from the vallet. 

I stare out the window and say nothing. How could I speak? There was nothing to be spoke about. "Are you alright?" My mom asks me. I nod. My dad pulls up to the place in LA where they were holding her funeral ceremony. "Shawn," Ashley's mom addresses me. I give her a silent nod. "Would you like to process in with the casket?" She asks. I nod and whisper, "Thank you." This is the first time in forever that Ashley's mom has ever given me the time of day. 

I place my hand on the casket and process in with the Magcon guys. I guess they were all supper close with Ashley, even Dillon.  We take out seats in the front. I sit inbetween bea and Kimmie, with Taylor and Nash on the other side of them. At the end of the ceremony we were to give the eulogy. They wanted me to go last. Kimmie went first. 

"Ashley was my best friend. We did everything together. She loved to sing and loved to fangirl but most of all she never ever cared what people thought of her. The only opinion she cared most about was mine, shawn's, and hers. She would come over to my house or call me over to hers and we would speng the day talking about The Shawn Mendes and The Nash Grier, whom were out celebrity crushes, and we had the chance to date.

"I knew more about Ashley than I did myself. She knew more about me than she did herself. We started to grow apart when she started to become very depressed. Soon enough I found myself knowing less and less about her. Ash came to school almost everyday looking like she just saw a ghost or she had been crying. More crying than seeing a ghost..." 

Kimmie rambled on about Ashley's life then Bea went, "Ashley is a real trouper. I think she knew it too. I loved the girl as my sister even if I had met her a few months ago. I remember first talking to her and I was like no way my boyfriend taylor is friends with Shawn. She wasn't the one to speak she kinda kept to herself, until my loud mouth of a boyfriend talked to her. She wouldn't shut up after that. I knew she kinda had a problem with Shawn but she loved him anyways. She always had, no matter how many times she would tell you she didn't love him she actually did. Being with him she didn't think clearly..." 

After Bea finished it was my turn. I read off my paper, but as soon as I hit "I hope it was the same for you, love at first sight." I couldn't stop crying. I may have looked like a little girl crying up there, but I had to stop reading and get off the podeum. I walked to the back of the church and cried. Soon enough they brought the casket out and all the guys hugged me. I will never get ashley back, ever. 

*********

Not going to lie I cried!

Judging by the title what do you think will be happening to shawn?

MUCH LOVE AND MUFFINS!

~KIMBERLY