I went to sessions with my doctor everyday. She tried to talk to me. I wouldn't respond. I know how this works. I can't seem to say the right things. It is always about Ashley. I just wish I was able to call our friends find out how she died and live in peace. My problem is that I don't want to know how she died. It could make me crazier.
I been drawing in a note book that my parents packed for me. It wasn't very good but it was a picture of Ashley. Every page filled with her picture. I also wrote little notes to her. I found some sharp objects in my room. I know how she felt. Alone and afraid. With no one to talk to who understands.
The only thing that helps get over one pain is another pain. And when that new pain isn't doing it for you, you put more pressure. Making sure each cut is deeper and sheds more blood. It hurts but it feels better than feeling the pain of her being actually gone.
With every cut I have made I am one cut closer to being with Ashley, whom I love. The idea of being with her again makes me happier inside.
The happiness overrides the physical pain of cutting.
I walk into the little rooms where I have my meeting with my doctor. "Shawn you are looking happier today," She says. I have a smile plastered on my face but I don't say anything. I love how my signature clothing style has long sleeves and pants. I don't say anything during the meeting. Just like normal. Go in, sit, listen, nod my head a few times, and leave. I go back to my room where I have written my stories and notes down. I wrote down how my days were in the institute and I wrote about Ashley. I never read any of them because it hurt to much, but being closer and closer to her were helping.
I decided to write again. I don't know what I am writting about, but it is about how I feel about Ashley. Missing her is all I feel. I know I say I am happy and in pain, but if I could sum it up into one word I would use missing. Like I am missing her or missing something in my life.
*************
Here's another update because I said so.
Is he one more day closer to Ashley? What exactly does he write in that note book, besides drawning in Ashley. Is he honestly okay?
Much love and muffins
~Kimberly
YOU ARE READING
Insanity .//. S.M.
FanfictionWas it all a dream? Was she a real person? Did he actually feel love for her? Did he just want to be loved by her? Did she really die? Is she alive in some way? All I can say is Shawn loves her.
