Bridge Jumping

Chapter Six

Hannah and I didn't talk on the ride home. We didn't even look at each other. When her mom pulled to a stop in front of my house, I jumped out of the car and ran inside before she decided she needed to talk to my mother about what had happened.

It was chaotic inside my house. Everyone was in such a rush to get to my brother's practice that they didn't notice my red, puffy eyes or uncharacteristic silence. My parents probably thought I was in a mood. I was relieved actually. If they asked what was wrong, I wouldn't know how to tell them. Would they be mad at me? After all, I'd held his hand and even flirted with him. Would they think I'd had it coming? That I'd asked for it?

I thought about Steve, and wondered if I'd missed something that afternoon, some kind of clue I should have picked up on. He'd seemed so nice and it would have been kind of cool to have a boyfriend. Was I blowing this whole thing out of proportion – making a big deal out of nothing? Maybe he hadn't meant to make me feel so uncomfortable, so bad about myself. Maybe he'd just been fooling around.

If it had all been a big misunderstanding, then maybe he wasn't really a bad person. I had yet to meet anybody truly mean, and I wanted to keep it that way. That way, my life could remain as it had always been – safe.

I was beginning to feel better, a lot better. When we got to the rink I bounced out of the car, headed straight to the concession stand and got some M&Ms. I spotted my brother where he sat, lacing up his skates, and headed over.

I stood over him and popped candy into my mouth. He glanced up, and held out his hand. I poured some M&Ms into his upturned palm, and then gave some to his friend Eric.

"What's up?" he asked, going to work on his other skate.

I didn't intend to tell him – didn't even think about it – but when I opened my mouth, the words just spilled out. I told the whole story, from the walk to the schoolyard, to getting lost in Somerville by myself.

"Are you okay?" he asked when I'd finished. He sounded so concerned and I was suddenly mad at him. I didn't want his concern – that meant something was wrong. I wanted him to laugh with me and make me feel normal again.

"Of course I'm okay," I said. "Why wouldn't I be?" My voice sounded strange – like it belonged to someone else.

He stared at me but didn't say anything else. I figured that was better than him making a big deal about it. When I walked away, I could hear him talking quietly to his friend, and I wondered why I'd told him at all.

I'd just sat down with a few of the other hockey siblings when my parents walked over. I could tell from their serious expressions that my brother had said something to them. I felt nauseous all of a sudden, and my hands were sweaty.

"Jaime," my dad said. "Can you come with your mom and me, honey?" His voice was quiet and soft.

"Am I in trouble?" I asked. I felt like I might cry again.

"No," my mom assured me.

I stood up and my dad put his arm around my shoulders. They led me to a quiet part of the building and asked me to explain to them what I'd told my brother. I tried to tell them the story as easily as I had to Ryan, but watching their faces made me feel sad. They were upset, and hated to think that I had caused them to feel that way.

"Who is this boy?" my dad asked. His voice sounded really tight – like he was trying hard to keep his cool. It was kind of weird, because he was usually just a big teddy bear.

"Why do you want to know who he is?" I asked, nervous about what they were going to do.

"Honey," my mom said. "What this boy did to you is wrong, and he can't get away with it. We should contact the police."