There is a knock at Oda's door. That is the cops from the nearby station who come to ask him a few things because someone reported seeing a bloody man collapsing around there. Dazai signals Oda to keep silent.
Oda starts thinking about what he should do.
If he opens the door and tells the cops he knows nothing, they will just leave and that's it. But he has another worry.
If Dazai has committed a crime (which he most certainly has), I will later be charged with harboring a criminal. Depending on the outcome, I might even be tried as an accomplice. If that happens, I will enjoy the rest of my life in a state-run accommodation with three meals a day.
The second option is to tell the cops about Dazai. In that case, Dazai will definitely be arrested (because everything about him is suspicious) and Oda will also be at a risk of being suspected as an accomplice. Oda looks at Dazai, who is "smiling a smile that is fifty times darker and denser than that of a kid thinking about what pranks to play." Seeing that face, Oda comes up with another fear that if he sells Dazai to the cops now, he will face Port Mafia's revenge later.
Conclusion. Pretending to be out is the only way.
They hide behind the bed and wait for the cops to leave. Suddenly, Dazai taps on Oda's shoulder, reminding him of the kettle of water he is boiling for his coffee, which is going to blow a very loud whistle once it's done. They are about eight metres from the kitchen. If Oda just walks there, the floor will creak and the cops will know that there is someone in the room.
I look at Dazai again. After a moment of hesitation, he starts to make a series of gestures. He points at the kitchen, then at me. He holds his palm up in front of him, then stands his other hand on top of it, fingers down. He draws all the fingers on that hand back, leaving only the index and the middle finger, and slowly move the two fingers forward, one after another. Then he puts his index finger on his lip. Then he gives me a thumbs-up, and smiles, and nods.
I nod back.
"What does it mean?" I ask.
"I know right!" Dazai whispers in a soft voice. "You didn't get it? I said to tiptoe to the kitchen and turn off the fire! I can't walk well in this condition..."
"Let's do it." I nod my head. "There is not much time till the water boils. We need to hurry up."
"Hey, are you really in a hurry?" Dazai gives me a puzzled look. "I can't tell because your face doesn't change at all..."
Oda starts heading towards the kitchen. He uses his ability to figure out where he should put his feet not to make a sound. But then he sees the future when the kettle is whistling and gets so nervous, he decides that he needs a new kind of power, so he starts going on all four and crawls towards the kitchen.
Behind me, Dazai bursts into a small laugh as if he cannot stand my movements anymore. Dazai is right. If someone is able to photograph what I'm doing right now and put it on the public newspaper, I would move to another city on that same day.
Oda finally finds his way to the kettle. He just needs to reach the knob on the gas stove and turn it off. He should have enough time.
However, my expectation is betrayed once again. I have forgotten about the foreign matter that exists in this house. Dazai, of course. He is more unpredictable than any human I have ever met. For example, if two people are on a three-legged race to the goal, Dazai might just turn around and start running in the opposite direction at a random moment. Or, he can desperately climb a cliff to survive, then all of a sudden, say that he wants to fall off it and die. He is a guy that has strayed too far from the reasons of this world. Our dear Trickster.
Dazai suddenly comes up with the idea that if he jumps out of the door with a gun in his hand, there are chances he can be shot dead by the cops. Oda tells him there is no gun in the house, so he decides to get a knife instead. He rushes into the kitchen, even faster than Oda. The cops outside notice the sound and ask them to open the door.
Oda knows that he has to stop Dazai, if he doesn't want things to get worse.
I have to stop that. I so want to cry and ask someone to help, but there is no one who can do it but me now.
He jumps up and sweeps Dazai's legs, making him roll on the floor. He grabs Dazai's neck, turns behind and gets into a chokehold, trying to choke him unconscious. Dazai, as a result, struggles happily while kicking his legs around. He hits the kitchen cabinet once, twice until Oda hears a sound of something coming off. Oda realizes that those desperate kicks are actually on purpose, and it makes the knife Dazai was trying to grab earlier fall off right to where Oda is. Oda can't move because he is busy holding Dazai down, so he has to use his ability to predict the track of the knife and barely dodges it. The knife stabs vertically into the floor next to him. He tries to calm Dazai down.
"Be still." I say, "Don't struggle. It is not scary. It doesn't hurt."
I don't even know what I'm saying myself.
"You liar! Mori-san said the same thing when he gave me shots."
Dazai says so and keeps going wild. It means there are other people besides me who are having a hard time with Dazai. Who is this Mori-san again?
Dazai keeps kicking the kitchen stand and this time, it's the kettle above Oda's head that's going to fall.
It is a situation that I have never experienced before. A kettle above my head, a knife next to my face, false money somewhere in my room, cops at my door. And I'm strangling a guy I just barely met.
Oda finally manages to choke Dazai unconscious. He goes "fufu ahaha" before he faints. Oda pulls out the knife next to him and throws it toward the falling kettle, successfully catching it by its handle and having it jammed into the wooden part of the kitchen cabinet. By that time, the cops also manage to kick the door open and step into the room.
Just like me, those cops seem to have never witnessed something like that in their lives. Their eyes are wide open, but it is understandable. In the house that they just stormed in, there is a man strangling an injured person on the floor. The boy seems to have passed out in pleasure. The knife stuck on the kitchen cabinet is holding the kettle as if it was an offering.
Silence.
The cops look down at me. It seems that they don't know what to say at all. I never expected the first arrest in my life would be under this situation. I am not sure if that is the reason, but I end up saying something really stupid.
"Please take off your shoes."
The two cops look at each other. An older cop and a younger one. They are wearing standard uniforms, with standard hats on.
"Okay." The older one nods vaguely. "It looks like it's going to be a weird job today."
"I feel you." I say.
Well, there have been a series of incomprehensible situations today, but the last one is the best of all.
The cops take out two gas masks and put them on their faces. Then they throw a gas grenade towards Dazai and Oda. Oda realizes that they are actually not cops. He tries to avoid the gas and kick them to the floor to escape. But he sees the future where they point the guns at Dazai and shoot him if he resists. So, he has no choice but to surrender.
I think, in my fading consciousness.
After all, I really should have kicked Dazai down the stairs when I found him in front of my door that morning. But regret is a part of life. Even if I have one more regret now, it's not that much of a blow.
I pass out.
...
