i can't take it anymore

Ch-1 a selfish thought

  It's the morning of 23rd December, 2023 and it's cold . My hands are over the fire and my whole body cold . My eyes are somewhat numb , is it because of my feelings or is it from those cries I made last night ? I don't know myself . My mother came and said "take that piece of wood out. It's causing the smoke to form!!!" I was surprised for a little bit . You face kept coming up and my heart torn to sheds . My milk was getting cold and again my mother asked me to drink it up . My hands still remembering the way I touched you even if it was just a little bit . I picked up the glass drinking with my eyes closed . My eyes hurt is it because of the smoke or why is it so heavy? A notification came "dihun_kuch followed you on Instagram" my fingers pressed against my phone's screen before I could knew it . I knew this account it was the person i was jealous of the most . As my eyes scrolled down something caught me . Again I saw your name on the mutual followers list. I know you two are best . I know these two are best friends . But , I just wanna be him . I never felt this jealous before. I know I can't be more than friends with you but can I still be a friend of you. The sound of the radio tingling in my eyes . It says " just die if you're gonna die" why do I find it pleasing? My eyes once again came to realise that I just saw your account. You name on it . It hurts to even see you name now I don't want to think about you anymore. I hope you could just stay with me. I'm becoming more and more twisted I don't what to do. My feet are cold with the cold air . My heart also abouts to freeze . I saw you once again from your stories I watched . I never once fell for someone this fast . Can someone tell me how to forget ? I want to vanish in thin air