I haven't written in a while...I don't write for fun,I pour all my emotions & feeling on a paper,I shake off everything when I write like it feels better that telling people my problems.
I force life everyday & no matter how much I try it feels like I'm going back,like I'm on a dead end with no progress going on..life ain't crystal stair nor honey like how people enjoy it I hate myself for not enjoying life without worrying about anything..no good memories,no anything that I'd look at and get motivated or confidence
I'm always that one insecure teen kirl,that kirl who doesn't believe in anything like reality being good,I always thought reality ain't nothing interesting,I believe in my own imagination like unicorns,life w no heartbreaks,betrayal,pretending or back stabbing.
Okay let me narrate my story,it has no parts ,it ain't long just something that will make feel better after writing like a Highlight of bad thing got there obviously the queue wa long,we waited until the doctor asked us what was the problem,then I showed him the lump,we told as we should remove it as emergency,like a simple procedure,yes he did remove it..
Yes After that we where waiting to hhappened to me.
As a teen I check myself everyday for any change or any glow.Last months before these holidays when I sitting all alone in the dark enjoying the comforts of my breasts and music I felt something weird on my breast it was something I never felt on my body very different, this made worry a lot ..so I went to Google & researched the description of it & It was a lump.A LUMP.?I panicked because researchers says there is nothing interesting about a lump on the breast so I became more scared and that gave me think nothing but death nah because it felt like that,it felt like I was going to die anytime soon,that made me more scared..for God sake I'm a teen how I'm I suppose to react,i went back to the dark place where I was fighting so bad to get out of,the dark place where I've been for like 10 years without knowing the reason why,why my insecurities make me feel bad for being in this world.
I kept it a secret to my mom,like how was I going to tell her,me & my mom ain't that close aint that she is always busy we just aint cloese,we never opened to each other but we do talk sometimes but not what I want to pour to her & cry my lungs.After months I showed the thing to my grandmother & when the words breast cancer popped out of her words,my mind gone to stand still, my heart stopped and that made me feel more confused,alone & more lonely..The following day my granny told my mom that's when she accompanied me to the clinic where they sent me to the hospital.Weear what to do from there & we never got any information, the doctor did not tell us how bad the lump might be..I thought doctors should be friendly but no.
I went home,I never felt lost & confused like that,health conditions hits differently,it's confusion ain't like the one you get from solving a math problem,very different that you'd cry,cry & cry..Everything left a wound & scar on my breast not only breast but my whole heart gets sour when I remember about that.:3
