Blood & Shadows

Sixteen

For what feels like the most blissful eternity we lay in the water in silence. Through that link of the Thread of Fate I can sense that he's... content and confused. Conflicted? His mind reels and if I'm perfectly honest I expected this.

Given all he's told me I'm fairly certain I'm the first person to bathe him, possibly the first person to ever put his pleasure first.

"I hate this," Vrythien whispers, his voice scarcely traveling. As I attempt to turn and look at him, he holds me closer, trapping me against him. What he means by this, he doesn't elaborate but he continues to hold me. Those pale arms tender vises that refuse to release me. "Why did you do this? Why did you...offer yourself to me without restraint? Place my pleasure above your own. Why?" Arrogance free and lacking that silver edge of sass and haughtiness, he is laid bare. This is what beats at his heart, free from centuries of scar tissue from abuse and misuse.

Contrary to that mask he wears, he's far from empty. With his outer walls of cruelty dismantled and that second skin of bitterness removed at the very heart, Vrythien is full of nothing but self-loathing and an overpowering feeling of absolute worthlessness. I feel his emotions like they're mine. His confusion over why someone would ever want him beyond the carnal is overwhelming.

How could I blame him for such feelings after he'd been discarded so utterly by everyone right until the end.

"This was all so very sweet. But I cannot help but wonder why you did it all. Did you pretend I was your bard? We favor enough I could play that role if you wished, but I've never mastered any instrument aside from my and my partner's bodies." He chuckles but the sound isn't happy, it's almost sad and full of careful regret.

"My reasons have nothing to do with the Bard and everything to do with you. I wanted to put you first, put your pleasure first. I wanted to make you feel wanted. There's no secret aim here. I care for you Vrythien. Far more than is wise, but I care all the same." I glance back at him and he holds me looser, brows furrowed. For so long he's still and quiet. I almost forget he's there.

"No one has ever cared for me..." It's a breath not even a whisper. "From what I can recall my mother was about as maternal as a sick cat, after that... well no one weeps much over the death of a whore or slave now do they?" He smirks, tracing idle patterns of circles around my navel, he makes a noise, a grim grimaced growl that ends in a pout, "Though I suppose its not entirely true."

"I care."

"Do you? You've only seen of me what I want you to see. What I let you see."

"Then let me see all of you," I turn around and straddle his lap, he wears a deep frown, those wet rubies are shadowed with pain.

"No. Because I...care." The words form as though they're foreign to his lips, something he'd said in pretense so often he'd forgotten how to use the word genuinely. He cups my face in those large pale hands, thumbs brushing damp tendrils of hair from my cheekbones. His forehead presses to mine in that simple intimate way. "This is new to me and not in a novel oh what a delight it is to hold someone in my heart kind of way." He leans his head back and lets out a long slow sigh. His broad shoulders droop and he lulls his head back face tilted toward the rafters above as he shuts his eyes. "It's more of the gut wrenching terror at what the fuck is going to happen when my Master discovers that I have a new tender spot to cut." Sitting up straight he stretches his arms over the back of the tub and lifts his chin, leaving me cold. "Or worse yet, I make the mistake of completely opening up and at a glimpse you shy from me. You're the first person I've ever felt a shred of anything real for. Even with..." he trails off and waves a hand dismissively. "That was a passing moment of guilt driven by seeing myself reflected back in another. This?" He scoffs and shakes his head. "This is terrifying. Every time I go to touch you my body braces for some rejection, which is inevitable when you realize that I'm not...whole." He tilts his head from side to side. "I have all my parts of course though they're been threatened plenty. Inside I'm a void. Aside from you nothing moves me even to so much as curiosity. At first I--"