Blood & Shadows

Twenty-two

A new habit arises but Vrythien is there to aid with it. I wake up screaming. Not long after closing my eyes, panic grips my heart and I sit up with my throat ragged. Having Vrythien there to hold me became the salve I didn't know I needed.

Two weeks of feasting, dancing, bard performances and falling to sleep beside Vrythien. That last night as I wake up with a shriek so loud I startle myself, he's there to pull me into his arms and stroke my hair. The scent of him alone is enough to calm me. But it's those touches that make me realize how weak he is. He's not feeding and aside from the warmth he's leached from me he's cold.

I look up at him and those lush lips are nearly as pallid as his face. Those once slightly pink bits of flesh at the corner of his eyes and his gums are now white pale. I'm laying in bed beside a starving vampire.

"When was the last time you fed?"

"Last week," even his voice is slow and lethargic. "I believe he's waiting for me to attack you so he can punish me. That's his favorite sort of game, the impossible one." He takes a slow breath, "Little does he know, I'd rip out my own throat long before yours. But none of the tricks are working to keep me sated, and I'm forbidden from feeding."

"Forbidden? Why don't you feed anyway?"

"It's the same reason I didn't walk into the sun the first chance I got. When a master commands a fledgling they are compelled and commands must be carried through. He rarely exerts such force unless he's making a point."

"But if he forbids you to feed why would you attack me?"

"Because if I'm starved enough my mind will break and instinct will take over. He wants you to see me as an animal, I think. One grand act of debasement because he's already ripped into my mind and sifted through all my thoughts of you." He laughs and the sound is as bitter as wormwood. "He knows more about how I feel for you than you do." He rolls his eyes as he says it. "And I still can't say it. The words get stuck on my tongue in fear of reprisal for breathing life into it." I place a soft kiss above his heart. "Gods this is fucking pathetic."

"It's not, we're making the best of the situation we have."

"Are we? The best of the situation for you is to forget about me. You know what I am, what I've done. I killed your lover steps from you, held your hand and guided you to drive the dagger into your own father's heart. After the last day of Snowveil I'll be allowed to feed, either a putrid rat or some other long dead thing. If I'm lucky he'll let me drink from its neck, if I'm not I'll have to lick it off the floor at his feet and thank him for it." His voice drops so very low it scarcely sounds like him. "That is the truth of who I am." he heaves a sigh hard enough to move me. "And you are the heir of two houses of incredible influence and wealth, and a sorceress with staggering power." Again, he sighs, his fingers trailing through my hair making my scalp tingle. "How could I possibly be any more than just a pretty thing to you."

Full to the brim with self-loathing and half dazed with starvation his tone draws me closer to him. I slide my leg over him, so I'm folded over his chest, straddling his hips with my head on his chest. It's like straddling a statue, he's so very cold. It can't be comfortable. Placing my hands palms down over his heart I perch my chin on top of them.

"Ignore me," he scoffs with a little pout. "Idle murmurings of the half-mad."

"Vrythien," I sigh his name, and those eyes that are far too crimson in the dark settle on me. "I--" I can't bring myself to say it those words linger just out of reach of my tongue. For whatever reason I can't say them, maybe it's because of what he did. Whatever the reason they refuse to form. "I don't care," that's what I settle for instead and it's a far cry from what he deserves but it's all I can manage. "When I had no recollection of who I was beyond my hatred for Razeth, you were there. You. Spare me the self-flagellation." I crawl up him more, stopping with my hands just above his shoulders. "If you were just some pretty thing, I'd be content enough to share my bed with Trysten."