Harmony Rediscovered: A Melody of Secrets and Second Chances (Camren)

Chapter 13: The Performance

Lauren watches Camila prepare tea: the pale slip of skin that appears when she reaches to grab two mugs out of the upper cabinet, the practiced motion of her hands when she tugs the tea bags out of the box, her lip pulled between her teeth as she carefully pours boiling water from the kettle to the cup, bending down to gauge the amount.

She shoots Lauren a shaky smile as she moves slowly and steadily across the kitchen before placing the mugs onto the table.

Lauren pulls hers closer, wrapping her hands around it so the warmth transfers from the ceramic to her palms. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Camila tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. “So. How have you been?”

She asked the same thing when she let Lauren in.

“Okay.” Lauren nods. “You?”

“Good.”

Lauren exhales. “Good.”

“Yeah.” Camila swallows and scoots her chair closer to the table. There’s expectation in her eyes; a combination of dread, hope and fondness that Lauren can’t quite parse. 

It’s probably similar to the amalgamation of relief and anxiety Lauren felt when Camila hugged her upon opening the door.

“Can we just–” Lauren looks out the window. It's cloudy, and some palm trees seem to sway with the wind. “Can we not act like idiots? Just for this conversation.”

“I’m sorry,” Camila says.

Lauren finds her eyes again. “For what?”

“I assumed a lot of things back then. I didn’t tell you how I felt because I thought I knew how you felt–or didn’t feel, whatever.” She shakes her head, as if irritated with her vocabulary. “I blamed you for things that weren’t your fault. I tried to hurt you instead of talking to you.”

“I did, too.”

Camila bites at her thumb. “So…I’m sorry.”

“I know. But we have to move past it, Camila.” She’s tired of pretending their past doesn’t exist, picking and choosing the things that matter, and then focusing on the hurt when it’s convenient for her. “Is there anything you want to know?”

Camila looks down and traces a finger around the rim of her mug. “What changed your mind?”

“What?”

“In the restaurant, when you asked me out–to hang out,” Camila clears her throat. "I know you told me about your date and everything, but I don’t understand what changed–from you ending things to wanting to try again.”

“I was scared–you know that. I was upset, and I knew how I felt about you. It was okay as long as it was just me harboring feelings; I could ignore it well enough and pretend it wasn't real. But knowing you were…” Lauren inhales too loudly. “I knew we were both going to get hurt if we kept sleeping together, and I didn't want it to be any worse than it was.”

“But if you felt something for me, and you knew how I felt, why not stop pretending to be friends with benefits? Why not start dating?”

Lauren chews on her bottom lip. Her stomach flips. “Being in love with you was the worst thing that ever happened to me.”

“What?” Camila blinks. Tears pool behind her eyes.

“Not–when we were in Fifth Harmony,” Lauren rushes. She flexes her fingers against her mug and watches Camila fidget. “It felt like so much was terrible, but that was the most terrible thing. Because it was all my fault. I wanted to stop loving you, but I couldn't figure out how. And I was scared it would end how it did when you left.”