If Only

Love

Love is a journey. The kind that starts in a small shed in the middle of the woods. Waking up and start wandering around, searching for a wishing well. Meeting that person that brings you close to the well for you both. When you get to know each other, you're brought closer and closer to that well until you fall in. The well itself is narrow and very deep, it takes time to go through it. Depending how its going, the well changes, different materials from haphazard bricks sticking out to a polished marble.

If it's meant to be, you eventually hit the bottom, where the other is waiting for you. You both sit on a porch at the top of a hill, watching the sun and moon dance, rising and setting until you both do.

If it's not meant to be, some way down the well, a hole opens up and swallows you. After time healing you wake back up in that shed in the woods, destined to wander until you find another.

If you fall and the other does not, it becomes unpredictable. In order to fall, you must choose to dive in and the other must choose to lower the railings. Some acts deliver hope, the hope showing a false bottom. If the hope is unfounded it shatters like glass, cutting you as you fall through. You keep falling until you set free the part of you that hopes to reach the bottom. You land in a void with broken bones, taken care of until being taken to the shed again.

Love an emotion I had never felt before, never understood until I met you.

When we first met, I wasn't sure what to think. I knew you as the friend of a friend with the crazy sleep schedule and the nice voice.

It started with a compliment on your songs, your voice felt like something familiar that I hadn't met yet. Something drew me to you, I couldn't place what it was, nor could I make that obvious since we didn't know each other yet.

You read me so easily, you understood, you saw me for me and for the first time in a long time I wasn't ashamed.

You were so easy to talk to, you really listened to me. You told me you were proud and supported me through the highs, and sat in the dark with me through the lows. You found parts of myself I long buried. You helped heal the parts others broke and watched me fly. You told me you wanted me to know what unconditional love felt like and you kept your word.

You became a part of me. Your voice soothed me, your hugs made me feel safe, you smell like home. Your cheeky smile made me beam regardless of how I was feeling, I would do anything for that smile.
You knew how I felt before I knew myself. I don't think you meant to lower your railings but I didn't have to be ashamed that I fell.

You gave me a fairytale kiss, you held me like no one else, you touched me where no one had, you touched my scars. You looked out for me, you were always there when I needed you the most.

Over time, things began to change, and truths were brought forward that sharpened haphazard bricks. Our connection was more than the romance or the intimacy, which made each shard of glass from every false bottom cut so deep.

I'm lying in the void with broken bones still reaching for you. In the end I mean it every time I tell you that I love you. That extends to multiple ways, to all your sides, perfections and flaws one in the same. I didn't fall in love with a fairytale prince, I fell in love with you.

Even in this void, I still feel safe with you, you're the part of me that will never fade, never die. Regardless of where life takes us, there will always be the part of me that is yours. As painful as the fall has been, i wouldn't change it for the world.