For Once

Prologue

"There are three patients left, Doc."

"Okay. He will be our last patient for today because it's already getting late. You still have to visit your father at the hospital after. Thank you." My secretary smiled and nodded.

What a tiring day, but my heart feels good being a part of a person's healing. Is this the position I envisioned myself 10 years ago? No. I dreamed and saw myself being one of the chefs in a cruise ship. I loved cooking due to my eating habits. But here I am in a four-cornered room, treating people with medications through consultations. I accepted this fate and I did not regret it. It is God's will after all.

"You can buy these medicines in the counter, if it's not available, there is a pharmacy beside our clinic who offers a discount for elderly patients. Please do follow the schedule of your medications and get well soon, Tatay."

"It feels good to be treated nice despite being poor, Doc. Thank you so much. I hope you'll get a good husband soon." He left with a genuine smile that looked very pretty to see. Through people like him, I see the purpose why God has put me in this journey. I see my purpose in them, which was the people I hold on to while studying in medical school, they are the people who kept me going.

Medical programs are quiet expensive and people tend to study and get a degree to be able to gain lots of money when they work. At first, that was my intention not until I met someone who lets me see a community that is unreachable of medical help due to lack of money. He made me realize that to be in this profession requires a lot more than just the desire of money, it also includes passion, understanding, patience, the will to help, and a lot more. It is like devoting yourself to enter a battle in a war.

I packed my things up and walked to the parking lot. I learned to drive because who would do it for me? We are born to be a girl boss here. I prayed and connected my phone for some music before driving off.

Minutes have passed and I am stuck on a traffic. As I was vibing with a song from Ben & Ben, the next song made me shiver as a familiar pain has stung in my heart. The lights turned green and I changed the playlist when I realized that the playlist I've opened was the one I play during midnights for my breakdown sessions before.

My mind was wandering somewhere while driving home. Maybe I am just stressed and tired. When I saw the busy streets, I realized I haven't been going out these days. Maybe I should treat myself to a good restaurant or go shopping next time. A three-day vacation on a beach seems fun and relaxing also.

I took a bath and did my skincare routine before going to bed. Meditation and stretching became a part of my routine at night because it was recommended by my psychologist in order to have a better sleep and fight insomnia because I refused to intake sleeping pills. I want the healthier way to heal.

I read a book for 30 minutes before sleeping. There was a line that said, "Your body is more than just a graveyard who could not love it. Your heart is more than just a cemetery for those who disappeared." From the book entitled, The Strength in Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino. I love how her words are comforting. She really is a good author, how I wish I could write something that makes a person feel heard. I did not realize that I fell asleep while reading.

"Lana..."

"Lana..."

It's weird to hear his voice again.

"Oh, you won?! I am so proud of you." He was always proud of me even on the smallest things I have achieved.

"Exam week is near, do you want to study with me?" He asked as if he is not the smartest one on our math classes.

"I am grateful to have such a great bestfriend." He never failed to express how thankful he is.

"Lana, did you really mean that the song you performed earlier was for me?"

"If so, can we..."

He stepped closer to me, slowly closing the distance between us. His eyes never left mine. And he reaches out my hand and held it on the side. His face goes closer and closer that I can feel like there is no distance between us. Is he going to kiss me? I closed my eyes and...

I woke up, with tears sliding from my eyes to my cheeks. All I can see is the ceiling that I have decorated with glowing stars.

Fuck. A dream. More like a nightmare.

I was brought back to a time I always wanted to forget.