Interstella love

chapter 3- that's just how the world works

We arrive at the roller rink hand in hand, Stella smiling excitedly as he make our way to the counter and grab our skates, I get on the floor first and I help her on.

she laughs gently as she struggles to stay upright, before eventually managing to get onto the floor and move along using the sides.
"Heather! Look Im doing it!" She laughs as she skates towards me.

"You're doing amazing Stella!" I say laughing with her as she skates around me, she tries to hug me but I lose my balance and we fall to the floor together, laughing together.

She looks at me and her face is red and for a moment the laughter fades as she reaches towards me. "Are you guys okay?" Yells the person and the counter.

I give them the thumbs up quickly before grabbing Stella's hand and helping her up, the laughter comes back but it's more anxious this time, despite it we continue to spend the day skating together, my chest feeling heavy with guilt but feeling fluttery with feelings too.

Her laughter as she skates round me, her face and eyes lit up with excitement as she taunted that I couldn't beat her in a skating race, her cheeky grin when she proved that she was right.

My heart hammered in my chest.

"Heather look I can do the spin now!" She exclaims spinning with ease, the hood of my hoodie starts to fall of her head though, I skate over quickly. "Stella! Hoodie!" I call out to her in mild panic, she puts her hood up once more to my relief "i dont think anyone saw" she says laughing gently as i glide towards her on my skates.

It starts to get dark and we leave our skates at the counter, Stella grabbing my hand again but this time she seems to be going as red as I did. I shouldn't be letting this happen. I take my hand from hers gently and put it in my pocket as she looks at me almost hurt.

I'm getting ahead of myself again and tricking her into liking me.
"Can we go to that park where I landed?" She says, breaking the silence and looking at me. "sure if you want." I reply in almost monotone she looks at the floor hearing my tone but replies to me with gratitude either way.

We walk into the park, the familiar feel of the cobbles under my feet as my heart hung low in my chest. We sit on the bench where we met. And she looks at me as I look away in silence. "Can I ask you something?.." she says hesitantly as she puts a soft hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"Why where you at this park when I landed here?"

My heart froze. I can't look her in the eye "I was on a walk. Why else would I be here?." She looks at me as if she could see that it wasn't the truth. "Then.. why don't you seem happy to be here?" I look at her, she's fiddling with her hands and looking at her legs. "Why would it make me happy to be here. It's just a place. It's not like it's significant to me is it? Sure this is where you landed but that doesn't make it special enough to make me happy to be here."

It hurt me hearing myself say that, even more looking at the upset on Stella's face "oh. Okay.." she says getting up from the bench. "Should we go home now?" She asks dejectedly, I don't meet her eye. "you go. I'll catch up." I say. And I sit there. The cold of the air. The sting of tears. The feeling of hatred. I was here again.

I knew I had to return to the apartment at some point. Stella relied on me right now. And that isn't healthy.

After half an hour I get up, the cold on my face slightly painful. I deserved it anyway. I take a breath. The city was busy this time round and the rush of cars brought negative thoughts to my mind. Im needed now though. I wish I wasn't.

I make my way up the steps, feeling the texture of the banister as I move. I make my way to my door, put the key in the lock and walk in. Stella lay on one side of the bed, asleep. I decided I would sleep on the floor that night. I brushed my teeth. I washed my face. I got changed. I felt empty again but this was how it had to Be. Empty.

I lay down on the floor amongst the mess of clothes left unwashed and I take a glance at Stella, her eyes slightly red. She had been crying. I turn over, a tear falls down my cheek and onto the floor , I didn't want it to.

I was doing the right thing to distance myself from her, after all she doesn't really want to be with me, she's just stuck with me. That's just how it is. More tears roll down my cheeks but I ignore them. Crying doesn't solve anything. I wasn't injured physically so I had no reason to cry.

That's just how it is.

How the world works.

If you cry for no reason, you get given a reason to cry.

If you don't do the right thing you get punished.

If you make a mess you get yelled at.

If you aren't good at something you shouldn't try.

If you fall for someone and you're a broken person you shouldn't let them have to pick up your peices.

That's just how the world works.