Wolf's Bane

Gifts

Desiree couldn't breathe. Her heart was pounding so loudly she feared half the room would hear it. She needed a moment to think, but her head wouldn't stop spinning. She took deep breaths in an attempt to steady herself.

She'd been trying not to think about Sebastian in a romantic sense. She thought she could just ignore her feelings until they went away. She'd assumed he would do the same thing. After all, he was more at risk if anyone found out what he just said. Why would he tell her something like that? What kind of feelings could be more important than his safety?

She told herself she shouldn't think about that. There was no telling what might happen if anyone found out what he'd told her. It would be worse if anyone knew what she was feeling. Deep down, she was happy to hear him say those words but she was sure it would cause trouble if anyone knew that.

Someone touched her arm and she jumped as she turned to face Andrew.

"I didn't mean to startle you," he told her. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she rushed to assure him.

"Are you sure? You look a bit flushed."

"I stepped outside," she explained. "The cold made my face red, I think." He didn't look entirely convinced, so Desiree grabbed his hand with a smile. "Dance with me?"

"You know I could never refuse that." He allowed her to pull him to the dance floor.

Desiree caught sight of Sebastian coming inside, but she forced herself to look away from him.

"Is something wrong?" Andrew wondered.

"It's just..." She took a breath, scared she might reveal too much if she said the wrong thing. After a few seconds of thought, she told him, "I want your more recent journals."

"More recent?"

"Starting with the first time you saw me," she explained. This was honest enough that she figured it would allow her to avoid inconvenient questions. "I want those journals, rather than continue reading the older ones."

"Are the older ones boring you?"

"It's not that," she assured him. "I just want to read how you saw me and what you thought." She needed to know what his feelings were and that seemed the best way to figure it out.

"Alright," he said. "I will bring those to your room tomorrow."

"Thanks." She held him close as they danced, wanting to cling to him and let him protect her just as he had when she was a child.

As promised, Desiree found a new box of journals outside her room the next morning. That was particularly helpful since she was determined not to leave her room that day. She had no lessons and she didn't want to risk running into Sebastian. She just wasn't ready to talk to him. Instead, she read through the journal with the intention of finding herself mentioned. However, she caught sight of Sebastian's name first.

She realized it should have been obvious he'd come up since Peter would have had him at that time. Andrew wrote about wanting to spend time with Peter and noted that he had changed so much since the time when they were friends. However, Andrew still wanted to be friends with him.

Desiree pretty well knew all of that, but she hated to read it, especially with how little he mentioned Sebastian. He commented on how much Peter enjoyed tormenting him, but she couldn't tell if Andrew was actually concerned for Sebastian or just bothered by Peter's behavior. Reading about that frustrated her.

She found herself equally frustrated when he stopped talking about Peter. She wanted to read more about Sebastian's time before they met, but she was stuck with only Andrew's perspective.