Wolf's Bane

Complicated Feelings

If Desiree had been expecting Sebastian to be surprised by her discovery, she would have been sorely disappointed.

They sat in his room as she told him everything. There was only one chair, so she sat in that while he'd taken a seat on the bed.

Once she was done, he asked, "Are you okay?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "I'm having some trouble believing it still. A few months ago, I would have just said he was crazy and moved on."

"But you know more, now," he pointed out. "The world is much more complicated than most humans realize. There's not really much reason to doubt you are the reincarnation of the master's wife."

"But even if it's true, what am I supposed to do with that information?" she wondered. "Should I freak out? Should I give in? Am I supposed to just accept that my relationship with him is fate and I have no say in the matter?"

"Nobody is telling you that you have no say, right?" Sebastian asked. "Perhaps, you should simply listen to your feelings and act based on them."

"My feelings are very confused right now," she told him. "I'm questioning everything I've ever felt. If Eleanor is part of me like he claims, how do I know which feelings are mine and which feelings are hers?"

"You think having her soul might affect the way you feel?"

"Apparently, it was enough to drive me to pick up a book. Who knows what else it could make me do?"

"That's a valid concern," he agreed. "Does it matter where the feelings come from, though? If you're happy, you're happy, even if it's her happiness making you that way."

"That might be fine for simple feelings, but what about more complicated ones?"

"For example?"

Desiree fidgeted. "I like being around Andrew and I thought I might be developing feelings for him. What if those are just her feelings?"

"So you're falling for the master?"

"I don't know. I was never sure. There's definitely an attraction, but how much of that attraction might be cause by his dead wife possessing me?"

"I don't think it's possession."

"Whatever it is, I don't want it. I just want to be me."

"If this has been a part of you since birth, doesn't that mean you're still you with it? Wouldn't removing it change you from the person you are?"

Desiree stared at him, trying to process that. "So you're saying Eleanor is part of who I am, so I can't be me without her?"

"Maybe," he replied. "I can't say I fully understand this. I prefer to avoid witches."

"Right." She could definitely understand that. "I guess I just don't want to think that I'm only a reflection of her. I don't like thinking that she got to develop her own personality and I just had to take it on without being able to decide what kind of person I wanted to be."

"So you just want to know that you're not like her?"

"That would help."

He was quiet for a few seconds before he said, "She was afraid of vampires."

Desiree looked at him. "What?"

"The master's wife was terrified of vampires, apparently," he explained. "Her family was one that was always aware of the supernatural, so she knew vampires existed. She used to have nightmares about us. From what I understand, that's one of the reasons the master didn't want a vampire servant. I think that's also why he tried to keep me from meeting you. He was worried I'd scare you."