The Monster (marrige last part)

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"Just keep breathing and breathing and breathing. You know I gotta keep it, keep on breathing."

Jimin's pov:

He said, Nothing. He told me,Let's go eat something. I nodded. We started to eat. I didn’t ate since the morning. I was preety much hungry.

I saw my parents with Jungkook parents. They look so happy and here I am standing alone. Obviously I have jungkook by now but what about parent's love. They say parents love unconditionally.
I remember how I was abused insulted by my parents because I did something bad in scholl. I guess I am just not good child. I have met their exception.

Flash back:

Ahh please Don't hurt me. There were 3 bullies who bullied all the time and I just take their beating and abuses. They say many names to me. I beacame weak day by day. I got in depression. When I told my friends they said It's a phase it will go away then...
Then why didn’t go away till now. Am I really not worthy enough of love. Don't I deserve to be loved.

I just hope my parents die. I don't want them anymore intro me. I saw how they laughed, how they laughed when they say million of lies. My life is like a House of cards. Just a little wind and it will crash immediately. I am just living because I want to see the world and be happy. Yes, I still want to be happy.

I wanted to see therapy and When I told my parents they beat me and said, If I don't be good then they will disown me. So I lived like I was a zombie. There was a time when I looked at food and It disgust me. I ate and threw up in the bathroom.

I got paler and paler. Everyone could see my bones but why didn’t I feel anything. Because I was numb too numb to even feel the pain. I just continued my life. I wasn’t bright at my studies that's why I always got scolded.

I just want keep breathing but can I though?

When I was 18 I tried to take my life by cutting myself 3 times. Everytime I cut myself I didn’t felt any pain infact I liked it so freaking much. Oh god I loved the feeling of cutting myself but at the same Time I always thought what did I become? Why am I like a monster? Why am I black and blue. I looked at the mirror seeoing my pale white skin. There was some blood in my face.

I looked at the mirror and told myself, jimin jimin you can do it. Just keep breathing and breathing and breathing. I just wanted to end my life but there was on hope which was being love by someone. I think I am build for all the abuses.

I laughed and here I am in a marrige where I don't what my husband do, who is my husband, is he bad or truth,can I trust him, will he make me suffer like my mom and dad. There was millions of question in my head but there was no answer. Only jungkook could do it.

I looked at my parent one more time. You will see me in hell mom dad. I smirked.

"I am not so innocent or am I?"

Once someone said, "Either you die as a hero or live like a villain for the rest of your life. Maybe I took that thing seriously."

"Villains are not born evil, They are made from pain."

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