Mortis (8-bitRyan, Dawko, DAGames, Razzbowski, Baz fanfiction)

Chapter 4

It took everything of Ryan's efforts to stand up, to move. He knew he couldn't stay there, he didn't know the monster's patterns - when it would come back for more.
His body felt weak, but he forced himself to keep going. He needed to find a safe place to sleep. Or at least, as safe as it could be. His legs were slow, dragging behind the small man, opposite to his shoulders, hunched forward heavily. He understood that he should drink something, his throat dry and hurting as if someone scraped sandpaper against the walls of it. However, the thought of getting anywhere closer to water was now pretty much out of the picture. He shrugged at the idea of it.
He had to remind himself to stay awake, his eyelids heavy and guilt even heavier. He was losing himself. God, he wasn't here even- wait... How long was he here? He couldn't really tell, this was the first town he saw the 'sun' come down, but it felt so, so long. It felt like he's been here for months. It went too quickly. Or too slowly? He didn't know! Everything was so prolonged but nothing was happening at all! Was this how the characters in the game he played felt like? Charlie Lonnit, Ethan Winters, Morgan Yu, Sebastian Castellanos... What would they do in this situation?
Charlie Lonnit would probably beg himself out, that was what he was good at, no? Ethan Winters would jump into the water, fight the beast, he would save the whole world. Morgan Yu would find the enemy, and learn from them, like L and Kira, studying each other, and winning their game while saying they are playing their game.
But he wasn't any of them. And it was not like he had some kind of His Way of dealing with things. When he was playing horror games, he was scared, hell, there were times he couldn't fall asleep properly, but he always found comfort in knowing that a thick glass and plastic screen was separating him and the inhuman terrors. But now? He didn't have any sort of protection, any shield, nothing. And in a weird way, he felt naked, vulnerable. It made him feel even worse.
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It was weird to hear the voice again, his friend's voice. Although, he did understand why it was there. He was stressed, again, having a hard time thinking clearly. 
"You're doing it again. By blaming yourself, you'll get nowhere."
Ryan hummed in acknowledgment, no point in answering something that wasn't real.
"C'mon, don't lose yourself now. Let's look for a place to sleep so you can rest for a bit. You're not going to help anyone, John or yourself, by winding away in guilt."
Ryan sighed, he was right. Of course, he was right.
"C'mon bud, look! You left your shoe behind, silly!"
The blond man stopped in his tracks, looking back. Surely enough, one of his shoes, now soaking wet because of the water, was lying on the ground, forgotten by his own bare leg.
He found a sob escaping through his mouth, and he bit his lip to not let it happen again. He couldn't cry. He wouldn't cry. Not because of something so stupid as a goddamn shoe! 
"Language.", reminded him Charlie softly. He clutched his eyes shut and dug his nails into his palms. Shut up, he thought, Leave. Leave me alone. It took a mere second before he knew he was alone. He stayed tensed up, every muscle in his body sprained and pulled. 
CRACK! His fist connected and cracked the bark of the dark tree. He gritted his teeth, staying still. And then he did it again. And again. And again.
...
His bare feet were bruised, stomping on the surface. He threw both of his shoes into the lake when he was done clawing at the tree, only stopping after both of his hands were bloodied and the skin on his knuckles missing. He didn't feel any better, although he thought he would. Charles's voice was true to his words, he didn't appear again, however, Ryan felt his presence in the warm numbing in the back of his head.
He walked for what felt like hours, sometimes squirming at the soft burn of someone's eyes, and jumped at a glimpse of an animal tail or wing.
It took quite a while. But he found a clearing in the forest with a big flat stone, it was as if it was calling to him, perfect to lie down and take a five. He took little hesitation to down on it, sighing and relaxing his body. He pulled his legs up, stretching them, shaking the numbness out of them. He wrapped his arm around himself curling up in a ball.
With closed eyes, he started humming to himself, a small soft lullaby. His tensed body relaxed when he felt the ghost wind of embrace. It will be okay. It has to be.