roses made of lead | Vito Scaletta

Chapter 2 - Immature love

This time it was November, 1938. That fateful November. But I didn't know it then.

I'd seen Paulie shot or otherwise injured several times since the milkshake bar scene. He's also started to tell me more about it. Sometimes he'd take me to see Don and the boys and we'd play cards.

I was older, I was 13, and my hormones were starting to kick in a little. I knew that what they were doing was really disgusting and shameful, and that I never wanted to be like them. But there was something about Sam at the time.

All three of them, Paulie, Tom and Sam were an escape from reality for me. Things weren't exactly good at school and I looked forward to every Friday when they'd take me along and we'd talk. And I was excited to see Sam.

I didn't know who Sam was yet. Thanks to my girlish naivety and the fact that he hadn't shown his true colors yet. But I try to remember him the way my younger self remembered him.

-

"Hi!" I shouted with a laugh and sat down where Don was usually sitting.

"Hey, watch out, this seat is reserved for the don!" Paulie said immediately.

"It's okay, let little Valentina sit in peace. I'm going away anyway. After all, if I'm not here, she has the most sense of you," laughed Mr. Salieri, waving goodbye.

I didn't quite understand the don designation. I would have preferred to call him Uncle Salieri, but that was forbidden. So I preferred not to speak to him at all.

"So, shall we play cards again?" Sam looked at me. And I could have drowned in those eyes. A handsome guy like that can do wonders with a 13-year-old girl. He was nice to me, and he was the only one who didn't have a girlfriend or wasn't related to me by blood.

"Yeah, let's play," I said, tucking the hair I had tucked behind my ear in front of my face. To hide my red cheeks. That always gave me away.

Sam tossed a deck of cards on the table and I dove right in. I had so much fun shuffling them.

"Guys, let's get something to drink, shall we?" Paulie asked.

"I'm not drinking," Tom raised his hand, to which Sam laughed.

"Then pour me something. And pour something for the missus, she's big enough now and you don't have to keep her on a tight leash Paulie," Sam tapped on the table in front of me.

"Sam, you don't have a say in what she does or doesn't fucking do," Paulie snapped. I was getting worried that this situation was going to escalate even further.

"Paulie, it's okay, I'll give it a try. If it's not good, you drink it," I smiled sweetly. I guess I wanted to look interesting too.

Paulie snorted and poured himself and Sam about half a glass of something. The amount I got would be more in line with a spit than a drink.

'Well, thanks,' I laughed, examining the thin layer of brown liquid at the bottom.

"You're not going to get drunk, you're too young for that," Paulie said irritated and sat down next to us. I had already shuffled the cards and handed them out.

We toasted each other and all eyes were on me. My alcohol debut.

"Tell me what you think of this shit. I want to make sure the decision to be among the sober ones was the right one," Tom laughed.

I gulped down what was in the glass and swallowed. I coughed and grabbed my neck. It burned badly, I felt like it was going to eat my throat.

"Ugh, no way," I gasped.

"I thought so, I'll get you some juice," Paulie stood up and took the glass from me. Sam took advantage of his absence.

"He's being dramatic again. When there's a drink for the ladies, you'll try it," he winked at me and I blushed again.

When Paulie returned with my soft drink, he pulled out his cigarettes.

"I was thinking on the way, if you want to try new things, try a cigarette. I'm sure everybody from school is smoking anyway," he placed the cigarette in front of me.

"What, you are joking right?" I laughed and looked at the others.

"If you don't try it now, you'll try it next year," he rolled his eyes and lit one himself.

"Nowadays, even little kids smoke. It's a really sick time," Tom said with a cigarette in his mouth. So I was the only one sitting there without a cigarette. And I didn't like not fitting in.

"All right," I sighed and put the cigarette in my mouth. Sam handed me a lighter and I lit it like I'd seen the others do. Only it didn't burn for me.

"You'll have to take a drag, you know, here, take mine," Sam jumped in and swapped cigarettes between us.

"What now?" I looked around confused, with a lit cigarette in my hand.

"You put it in your mouth and just suck it in, then try to inhale it and let it get into your lungs," Paulie demonstrated. So I tried it. And smoked a cigarette for the first time.

"This is so much better than that shitty drink," I laughed as I took about my fourth puff.

"Well, yeah, it's great, but only smoke with me," Paulie threatened me with his finger. I nodded.

"Let's play!" I cheered.

-

I love to remember these evenings. And this one in particular. Because it was like the calm before the storm. I tried cigarettes and alcohol in one night just to fit in and make an impression.

Now I chase my sadness with red wine and light a cigarette whenever the mood and time strikes. And money.

And the Sam thing? That was just platonic love. I may have dreamed of getting married, but the age difference didn't play into my hands. But it's cute to see in retrospect how I didn't understand the word "love" at all.