Why me?

*Sad, pls don't kill me, mentions of death and blood*
*...it has spicynoodles*

"You know ,kid, this power comes with a heavy responsibility. Heavy enough that it can be deadly to those you care about, and everyone will see any mistake you make. You will never be forgiven, and you have no control of who will tell your story, no control if they like you or hate you. No control if your friends die in battle, no control of the enemy." I stared at Monkey King as he talked. I was surprised that he would say that.

"I led my friends to their doom, I had to kill the one who was always there for me. Regardless of what happened, history continued to watch me, waiting for me to fail so that someone could write it down and shove it in a book. They wrote about me being forced to kill the one I loved, and didn't explain why I killed him or that I loved him, just that I killed him." He continued. I never knew that Monkey King was so sad. So hurt. He was rejected and turned on by people, and everyone believed the lie.

"But, it'll be ok, Monkey King. I know to be careful and that my choices have consequences." I assured him. "That's not the point, kid! You will make mistakes, and the world will never forget, never let YOU forget. You will be stuck being reminded of all your mistakes constantly, and at some point you will be rejected and alone." He paused and let out a long sigh. "Look kid, I don't want to scare you, but it's more dangerous for you to not know the risks of being the hero, being my student, and being my friend. You can get seriously hurt for the rest of your life by one mistake. You can lose the one you love in an instant." 

I just stare at him. There isn't anything to say about that. Monkey King had to kill the one he loved yet he was still here, still immortal, still suffering from the trauma."I understand, Monkey King. I need to be careful and distance myself from people a bit so that when I mess up, I don't have anyone there to stare me down. So that I never fall in love and lose them. So that the only life I impact with a mistake is my own."

"As much as I want to say no, you're right. Distancing yourself will keep others protected better than if you stayed close, but don't lose yourself with that mentality. Ok?" I nodded my confirmation. With that, the illusion faded, and I was back in Monkey King's cave on top of Flower Fruit Mountain. I felt a warm tear fall down my face.

"You never mentioned that staying away from the people I cared about would drive me insane. That I would kill the ones I love eventually anyway, regardless if I wanted to or if I was close to them. I you, I miss Mei, and Pigsy, and Tang, and Sandy... and Redson. I really miss Redson. Why did it have to be him, why couldn't it be someone else. I loved him." I sobbed. I tried to continue, but couldn't get anything other than more sobbs that I tried to choke back. I gave up on holding back and let it out. 

I screamed in pain, the pain of heartbreak, of loss, of rejection, of guilt, of regret, of all the mistakes I made that got me here. I let it all out. I cried myself to sleep and hoped that the nightmares would leave me alone tonight.

-oOoOooO DreAmS-

I was on a date with Redson, we just finished eating and decided to head back home. We arrived at our house, and Red opened the door, we took off our shoes then, headed upstairs to get ready for bed. "I love you, Red." I told him as I wrapped my arms around him while he was brushing his teeth. His hair caught fire, and he quickly got it under control so that he wouldn't burn me.

"I love you too... dork." He smirked. I gasped obnoxiously while clutching my heart. "How could you say something like that to me, my Firefly?" I told him while trying to hold back a laugh at his reaction. He was bright red, and his hair had caught fire again. "Get over here, you little trouble maker." I quickly obeyed and was glad that I did because he then gently kissed me. "That's cheating." I told him while I pouted. He laughed. I love his laugh. "No it isn't."

I was about to respond, but that's when it changed. Redson was bleeding, he was crying for help. No. He was crying for someone to stop. Crying for me to stop. I was stuck in this dream body as I killed Redson, over and over. There's nothing I could do about it but to relive it.

"Please, stop. I don't want to do this. I don't want to hurt him." I choked, hoping that it would stop. It didn't. I lived through that day again and again, over and over. The nightmare never-ending. "Please..."

I awoke suddenly. I was back in the cave. The dark, dusty, abandoned looking cave. With only one thing alive, myself. I just want the pain to end. Please. I want the pain to stop.

A/N:

I may have teared up at this, but like, drama. Anyway, this was actually kinda hard to write because there was a lot of big emotions that I had to condense into something smaller and understandable.