Short Story Collection!

My Three Reasons

PSA: Just a heads up, guys, this isn't my normal stuff, but I think it's important nonetheless. This does deal a bit with suicidal thoughts, but mostly how I fought them. However, I completely understand if you need to skip this; please don't read it if it will trigger you. My feelings won't be hurt, and I shall see you in my next update. 

The year is 2019.

I am sitting in my AP Human Geography class, wondering why the fuck I am still sitting there.

Because I can easily come up with a million and one reasons for me to leave to leave and never come back. Not just the class but life.

In the back of my mind is the nagging feeling, those three reasons why I chose to stay.

Wow, a million to three odds are not great.

Yet, clearly, those three reasons were reason enough because I am sitting here today typing this out.

Let me tell you about my four reasons.

My first reason, my bestfriend.

We have been friends since 5th grade, and here's what would happen if I left and never came back.

They would text me asking if I was ill.

Then they'd get a text back...not from me but from my number.

Probably from my mother telling her that. I wasn't sick, but I was dead. Dead from my own hand.

I couldn't bear the thought of them getting that text because I would be taking away their sole friend at the time and I wouldn't no couldn't be that selfish.

My second reason is my little brother.

He was in 7th grade at the time, only 12 years old.

I didn't want to imagine him coming into my room to make sure I was awake for school and finding my body.

I didn't want to imagine him having to watch as they took my body away.

I didn't want to imagine him standing by my grave as I was lowered to the ground.

I didn't want to imagine him having to try to understand why his older sibling would kill themselves.

I couldn't be the reason that he found out what that form of grief felt like so young.

My third reason was one that, at the time, confused me.

My third reason was a new friend that I had made through an MHA roleplay group that I found while doom-scrolling on TicTok one night.

We had clicked really quickly, so quickly that it had startled me, I'm not an easy person to get to know, I've been burned one to many times to be so trusting.

Yet, they were different. I felt safe with them, and I think they felt safe with me, too.

I didn't want them to think that I had ghosted them.

So I didn't do it. I went home and came back the next day. Then the day after that, henceforth, and so on.

Now, I am typing this as a freshman in college and while the list of reasons why I could leave is still really long. My reasons for staying is starting to catch up but these will forever and always be my top three.

Love you guys. 

Hello my Dreamers! This is yours truly M.R. <3

If you stuck around I hope that this might be a way to see into my eyes a bit better and maybe understand my battle with mental illness. I am so thankful I stuck around and am still here kicking and screaming.

Love you Dreamers!