Breathe

Chapter 14

Xander and I decided to get to know each other better. We have been exploring what makes us tick – our likes, dislikes, beliefs, and everything in between. It's not just surface-level stuff; we're diving deep into who we are as individuals and as a couple. This intentional journey is all about understanding each other on a meaningful level and building a connection that goes beyond the basics, turning into a deep and nuanced understanding of one another.

We've been upfront and mature about our relationship, openly discussing future plans like responsible adults. We've shared our dreams, and surprisingly, our goals match up perfectly. We both want to get married and envision a future filled with love and commitment, where we respect and understand each other. It feels great to see that our big-picture plans are in sync, setting the stage for a journey together built on commitment, love, and mutual respect.

Xander spoke about wanting to open a few restaurants in the near future and expand more on the club scene. I got excited about his plans and shared my own. I want to grow my online beauty business, and as a freelance photographer, I'm thinking about opening a studio where clients can drop by. I even explained how much I've enjoyed doing boudoir shoots and how inspiring it is to see shy ladies come out of their shells. I love that we can both chase our dreams and support each other.

I brought up the possibility of us having kids in the future and asked for Xander's thoughts. He made it clear that he would absolutely love to have kids. Even if at any point I decide it's not part of my plans, he's okay with that too because he simply wants to be with me. This honesty brought me to tears as it was one of my fears that I was too afraid to mention.

I openly spoke about the miscarriage, and even though the doctors told me it was nothing I did to cause it, I'm still scared that I might never get the chance to carry any babies. His reassurance that if, for whatever reason, we cannot have our babies the traditional way, he's 100% on board with adopting brought the cheesiest smile to my face. It made me realize that our talks go beyond stating preferences; they solidify that he is the man I want to spend my life with.

Xander has been nothing but sweet and affectionate so far, creating a warm and caring feeling. Together, we decided to take things slow and not rush into full intimacy. Instead, we're focusing on getting to know ourselves and each other better in this relationship. He repeatedly asks me about my feelings, genuinely curious and wanting confirmation on the steps we've taken so far.

His questions revolve around my certainty, making sure I'm absolutely sure that I'm ready for a new relationship and that I want to build this bond with him. Each time he asks, I respond with a reassuring smile, a tender kiss, and a firm yes, stating my complete certainty about choosing him as my partner in this growing journey of love and self-discovery. This ongoing communication not only shows how dedicated we are but also says a lot about the trust, understanding, and comfort that we are building the foundation of our relationship.

I talked to my parents about Xan and our relationship. At first, Mom was a bit worried that I might be moving too fast. I reassured her, explaining exactly how I feel, and she ended up understanding and accepting my perspective. On the other hand, my dad simply wanted to have a chat with Xan. The conversation led to Xander taking the phone and stepping away for a private discussion, respecting my dad's request for a one-on-one talk. When Xander came back, he had the biggest smile on his face, but he playfully refused to tell any details when I asked later on. The whole interaction left me curious about the secret conversation between them.

My dad and Xander have been regularly speaking on the phone, finding common interests, and building a relationship. It's interesting to see their bond grow. Dad also spoke to Mom about Xander, and she's been incredibly supportive since then. Sometimes, she even joins their video calls, bringing a delightful energy to our interactions. It warms my heart to see my parents embracing and welcoming Xander into our family.

My mom recently told me about a conversation she had with Daniel's parents a week ago. In the discussion, they boldly brought up Daniel's suspicions of me cheating, suggesting a strange tit-for-tat resolution. They implied that since Daniel and I are now "equal," I should think about getting back together with him. 

It was shocking; needless to say, my dad was furious, and it's a rare occurrence for him to get upset. Both my mom and dad made it clear that they never entertained the idea of believing these baseless accusations. Their unwavering support and trust are helping me navigate through this unexpected and confusing situation.

The situation has become really confusing. Kelly recently said that Daniel and Jenny are now living together in our old place and have even seen traveling to and from work together. It doesn't make much sense why Daniel would go out of his way to act like he's chasing me. It's confusing because Daniel's actions don't line up with the fact that he's clearly in a new living situation and in a relationship with Jenny. 

The whole thing is puzzling, and the lack of logical explanation for his pursuit of me just makes the situation even more mysterious. It feels like there's an extra layer of complexity and intrigue added to the already strange nature of what's happening.

Talking to Kelly and Jaz, their excitement about us being together was contagious. We even ended up chatting about weddings and babies, sharing laughs all around. I made it clear that it was still a bit too soon for any of that, but they just waved me off, saying I was playing myself.

I noticed an emotional response in myself, signaling a big part of my healing journey. While I acknowledge it might not be a complete recovery, the fact that I could jokingly discuss having a baby in the future with my friends, without feeling an overwhelming need to break down, shows how much progress I've made. It's a clear sign of strength and a comforting step forward in moving beyond past challenges.

As our trip is coming to an end, there's a bittersweet feeling knowing I can't stay in this paradise with Xander forever. The reality of returning to our normal routine and sharing his attention with the outside world brings a touch of sadness. Xan understands how I feel and shares similar emotions. However, he promises me that our adventure will continue, even if it means exploring one place at a time. 

Thinking about fully diving into each location, enjoying the unique experiences they offer, makes me excited for the future and the incredible journey ahead for us as a couple. Looking forward to making lasting memories in every place we visit fills me with joyful anticipation for the adventures that await us.

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