Stupid- Awsten Knight

8

"Angry. I'm angry."

Brynn's POV

I'm still upset. I feel like I shouldn't be. Like I don't have the right to be upset.
I need to channel those feelings into a song and I'm not quite sure how.

"So what are we thinking for this new album?" Leah asked tapping her pin against her chin.
"I want Collin on one of the songs, but I want the vibe angry and red." I replied.

"Then let's get to the studio. You don't preform until later today anyway." Leah said standing up. I nodded.
We drove to a local studio.

Collin was going to help with the instrumental parts.
"How do you want the beat? Angry right?" Collin asked.
"Yeah."
"Okay how about this?" He asked.
"Actually I want the first song sad." I replied.
He nodded and changed the music tempo and slowed it down.
"What about that?" He asked.
"It's perfect."

"Now you just need words."
I nodded.
I stepped back in the recording both and let my heart do the work.

"Holding on to moments that are no longer mine
Swear I'm not crying, there's just something in my eye
Loving you is hard, but I know loving me is harder
Wish we had a little longer
Said your girlfriend hates me 'cause she knows how you felt
Does she know I'm jealous or could you never tell her

That I looked at you with hearts in my eyes?
Would you be surprised?
So I'll delete your number, pretend you don't exist
Tell myself it's nothing but we both know it is
If you ever called me, to tell me you want me, then I'd tell you too, mmm-mmm
I'll be waiting for you

I still keep your sweater at the back of my drawer
I put it on when my heart needs moral support
Missing you is hard but I hope missing me's harder
Does the distance make us fonder?
Tell your girlfriend that I hate her too
'Cause you never looked at me the way that you looked at her

Like you're sure with hearts in your eyes
Why am I so surprised?
So I'll delete your number, pretend you don't exist
Tell myself it's nothing but we both know it is
If you ever called me, to tell me you want me, then I'd tell you too, mm-mm"

The music stopped.
I shut my eyes and tried to pull myself back together.
"Angry song now." I replied.
"Well what did you want to call that one?" Leah asked.
"We never even dated." I replied.
Leah nodded.
Collin looked at me with sadness.

We fucked around with the beat until we got something.
We decided to call it Novocain.

I screamed at the beginning of the song to capture the emotions betters

I'm talking so slow
My tears, they overflow
So done with feeling low
It's making me mental, I'm so temperamental
I'm tripping on snow
Another heavy blow
It's dripping down my throat
I take it all back, I just want my mind back

All my tears and all my pain
Take it away, Novocaine
All my tears and all my pain
Take it away, Novocaine

Take it away, Novocaine
All my tears and all my pain
Take it away, Novocaine

My healing's isolated
Forgotten who I am
Got so ripped off by living
It all feels like a scam
My happiness is fading
The lighting's shine is waiting
Emotional fixation
How long is it gonna last?

Take it away, Novocaine
All my tears and all my pain
Take it away, Novocaine

Tell my mom that I'm sorry
Don't know how it got this way
Her baby's in the darkness
She's begging me to stay
Tell my mom that I'm sorry
I'm fighting through the pain
I try my best to stop it
No one should take the blame

Take it away, Novocaine
All my tears and all my pain
Take it away, Novocaine
Take it away, Novocaine
All my tears and all my pain
Take it away, Novocaine

"One more song left to record." I mumbled.
"I can't believe you've already almost finished a whole album." Collin replied.
"My emotions are at a high right now Col." I spoke.
"Hopeless records is fine with this so keep going."  Leah replied.
I nodded.
"Collin I want you on this song." I said.

Collin nodded.
"Focus on your verse first." He replied.
"I think I want to call this one, how could you do this to me."
Collin nodded.

We sat down and wrote my verse.

Okay, we need to fucking talk
Now I lay me down to sleep
Tell me do you think of me in your dreams?
When you're not next to me
Always gotta cross the line
I'm just gonna take and waste your time
You're so easy to read
You will be there when I need it
You can call it what you want
But I will never be the one
You know I like to take control
So I'll be leaving you out here to bleed
Drag you down with me
You'll never get away from me
Feel me wrap around you 'til you scream
"How could you do this to me?"

"How's that?" I asked showing Leah our page.
Her eyes scanned the page reading it carefully.
"It's good." She replied.

Collin and I wrote his.

Now I've cut off all the brakes
You best believe that I'm your worst mistake
But you always make it
But you always make it
And you keep on crawling back
You're in too deep 'cause your heart's attached
You know that this won't last, yeah
You know I like to take control (take control)
So I'll be leaving you out here to bleed (out here to bleed)
Drag you down with me (drag you down with me, yeah)
You'll never get away from me (away from me)
Feel me wrap around you 'til you scream (until you scream)
"How could you do this to me?"
Who will be there when I need it?
You can call it what you want
But I will be your only one (only one)
You know I love to take control
So I'll be leaving you out here to bleed (out here to bleed)
Drag you down with me
You'll never get away from me (away from me)
Feel me wrap around you 'til you scream (until you scream)
"How could you do this to me?"