Stay With Me (Hold My Hand) ⋆ SPN

2. A Lack of Forgiveness

Dean had been driving all night, and for the past 30 minutes searching desperately for a gas station by the side of the road because if he couldn't find one, he was debating begging Abby to let him have some of the snacks he was pretty sure she had stockpiled in her bag. So, when the dingy shop came into view, Dean audibly said, "Thank god," which was apparently loud enough to wake his sleeping brother up.

 Sam sat up, rubbing his eyes and looking around. "Geez, how long was I out," he asked quietly, glancing back at their still-sleeping sister.

"Just a few hours." Dean pulled into the gas station. "Want anything?"

"Uh, no, I'm good," Sam answered. Dean started to get out of the car but before he could fully, Sam asked "Hey, should one of us wake her up?" Normally, Dean's answer would have been to scoff and let his baby sister sleep, but he knew that wasn't actually what Sam was asking. Sam actually just wanted to know if he had a valid excuse to wake up Abby to talk to her on his own. Which, in Dean's mind, was vaguely acceptable so he told Sam that someone probably should. Dean headed towards the gas station planning on taking plenty of time. He really didn't want to interrupt what he was pretty sure was going to turn into his 9-year-old sister yelling at Sam.

After Dean left, Sam sat for about thirty seconds, facing forward, taking deep breaths to calm his racing heart. Sam wasn't quite sure why he was so nervous to talk to Abby. Talking to Dean had been fine, so what was the difference? 

"Well, the difference was that Dean didn't have to be practically pried off you when you left, and Dean was old enough that he definitely still remembered what you looked and sounded like when you left." said a little voice in Sam's head. Sam groaned and leaned his head against the seat, frustrated everything had gotten so messed up.

"You okay?" a soft voice asked from behind him took a sharp breath in before turning around.

"Hey, Abs," Sam said, turning around as far as he physically could to look back at Abby. She sat up, rubbing her eyes and trying to adjust to wherever they were.

"Dean go in to get snacks?" Abby asked, having decided she did not want to be the one to bring up the elephant in the room.

"Uhh, yeah," Sam said, unsure what to do. In his mind, Abby had remained frozen in time as a 5-year-old who worshipped her Sammy. Abby decided that she was definitely not going to be the one to bring up the fact Sam had abandoned her. After all, that would be little-girl-ish, and like her Dad always reminded her, she was not a little girl. He had been telling her that for so long, she couldn't remember if she ever had been a little girl. 

Abby got out her book and started reading it again, ignoring that Sam was still turned around and looking at her. She didn't actually read though, she just looked at the page and tried very hard to not look at her brother.

"Hey, Abby," Sam said and Abby looked up at him, her big brown eyes staring into his own. "I'm sorry," he said, knowing he had a lot to be sorry for.

"Good," Abby said shortly. Abby had decided, during those long seconds when she had pretended to read her book, that she was not going to forgive Sam Winchester for leaving her. She didn't care what her Dad had maybe said to him about never coming back, she didn't care how sorry he was, she was not going to forgive him. Abby brought her feet up onto the seat, and rested her book on her sticking-up knees, slightly turning so the book hid her from view. She was definitely not going to let Sam Winchester see her cry. As the tears slid down her face, she couldn't wipe them away because her hands were needed to hold the book, so she just let them fall.

"Ab-"

"I don't care," Abby said, not moving her book. She couldn't see Sam's face, but she liked to imagine he looked shocked and sad. Abby wanted Sam to hurt just as bad as she had, and besides it wasn't like he was sticking around.