Rude Ruby

20: Broken Promise

Watch your words, they become your actions: 20 | Broken Promise

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They say scars heal with time, but what about the ones buried deep inside? The wounds you can’t see, but feel, like jagged edges hidden beneath the surface—each one a reminder of what I’ve been through, of the pain that’s become part of me.

Walang may alam kung ano talaga ang nangyari. Hindi ko rin sinabi ang totoo kina Chad at Gael, gumawa lamang ako ng istorya para mapaniwala silang iyon ang dahilan ko sa dagliang pag alis ko.

I was just happy I was able to feel the freedom while staying in this country. Malayo kay Dad, malayo sa mga ekspektasyon, malayo sa responsibilidad, malayo sa gulo.

Oo, tinakbuhan ko talaga ang buhay na meron ako sa Japan, pero hindi ko naman akalaing hihinto ako rito para tumakbo ulit pabalik sa Japan.

Tumakas.

Sisihin ang sarili.

Halos patayin ko na ang sarili ko noon... dahil walang naniniwala sa sinasabi ko. Walang kumakampi sa akin, natakot rin akong malaman nila Chad at Gael ang totoo dahil baka mandiri sila sa akin.

Dahil baka ayaw na nila akong maging kaibigan kapag nalaman nilang pinagsasamantalahan ako ni sir Pedran.

Excelling as a student was my guide, my way to win my father's approval and stand out among my peers. I believed that academic success, a strong moral compass, and a string of achievements would shape me for leadership.

I pictured it would attach to my name, like the subtle fragrance of flowers, drawing admiration from everyone around me.

But it was all my ideal.

I modeled my attitude after my ambitions—poised, respectful, and driven—hoping it would help me climb the ladder of success.

But as I moved forward, I saw a harsh truth: this world had its own rules, full of contradictions. Instead of bringing me the recognition I wanted, my efforts seemed to set me apart, almost isolating me.

My father’s expectations kept shifting, his standards of success feeling like a moving target I could never quite reach. No matter how hard I tried, the distance between what he wanted and what I achieved only seemed to grow.

And in this twist of fate, I discovered the irony—my pursuit of a perfect image, rather than bringing connection, seemed to push people away.

Somewhere along the way, I became the teacher’s favorite, but even that felt like a reminder of how far I still was from what I really wanted.

Or let's say, I became a pet.

To me, being praised for intelligence, talent, and wealth always seemed admirable. But I never expected how hollow those compliments could feel—how they could start to weigh on you, almost repelling the soul with each bit of admiration.

Hindi ko akalaing nakakayamot iyon sa pan-dinig.

Nakakasakal.

Nakakarindi.

Nakaka-patay.

And then he touched me.

I thought it was just a gesture of a father admiring her daughter but it wasn't. His hands went to my uncomfortable parts. His soft touch became heavy. I struggle to get off his hands on my neck. I couldn't move.

I couldn't just move. O pinili kong hindi gumalaw.

Hindi na ako nakagalaw sa takot, sa sobrang pangamba na baka malaman ni Dad ang nangyayari sa akin. Baka sabihin niyang naging pabaya lamang ako. Pero lahat ng iyon ay hindi ko naman hinayaang mangyari lang.