The Fear

When You Love Something, You Have to Protect it

Eiharu rarely initiates everything in their relationship. Kanryou understands where it comes from, the cause and reason, and the lack of attention to such matters. He doesn't mind; things will improve eventually, even though he doesn't know how long it takes.

Since Kanryou is patient enough, he doesn't feel the urge to be on the receiving end. He loves to be on the giving end. Being with someone like Eiharu has taught him how to be bigger and have bottomless patience. As a doctor, he has seen so many people in his life and has dealt with complex personalities that he didn't favor much. If we look at it from a certain angle, Eiharu isn't someone Kanryou would deal with in the long run. No wonder there is a saying, 'Love can turn a man blind,' as it was how he felt when he realized his love for Eiharu bloomed. As long as Eiharu is by his side, he doesn't mind receiving nothing in return.

"Kanryou..."

"Mm?"

"....nothing..."

Kanryou touches Eiharu's forehead. "You're still burning. Take it easy."

"I don't..."

"It's okay, Ei. I'm not angry or anything."

"....okay..."

This time, it's not Eiharu's fault. It's not because he didn't take care of his health properly. The emotional burden was so significant it affected his body. Kanryou didn't expect it would shake Eiharu that much to the point of falling ill. After all, which kid in this world never clashes with their parents? The difference in personal opinions, upbringings, surroundings influence, and more factors undoubtedly play their part in how a person grows. Though, in Eiharu's case, it probably wasn't that simple.

Just a single meeting

Kanryou says nothing about the fight between Eiharu and Haruna. If he did, Eiharu will take longer to recover. As much as he loves tending to Eiharu, he dislikes watching him get sick, especially if the cause is Eiharu's family.

"Don't you... Have to work?"

"I have returned. I had morning shift today."

It's a lie, but Eiharu doesn't know that.

"But you... You've been here."

"You slept long enough."

"...is that so..."

In that condition, Eiharu can't think properly. He overlooked the blatant lie. All he knows is how relieved he is because Kanryou is here. Eiharu couldn't help but recall the loneliness he always felt at home. Every time he caught a banter with his mother, the sadness and guilt that ate him from inside was enough to numb his senses. However, he couldn't do anything to erase that pain. He always feels suffocated and isolated in his own room, mentally and physically exhausted. It scared him. It pained him. But what could he do aside from feeling the churn in his stomach and hoping it soon disappeared?

"Do you need anything, Ei?" Kanryou's gentle caresses call him back from his drifting thoughts, "I'll get them for you."

Eiharu shakes his head. If anything, he wants Kanryou close. It's hard to stay calm when you always see a nightmare as you close your eyes. He is used to it, but that doesn't mean he always has the strength to act tough. Most of the time, he can't fight back the loneliness, the helplessness. The fear and anxiety.

"Kanryou..."

"Mm?"

"I... Feel like shit..."

Through his closed eyes, Eiharu feels a cold touch on his hair. The gentle caress washes away the creepy silence he hates when things go south. He constantly longs for this kind of wordless affection. A silent gesture showing that he isn't alone anymore.