Willpower of a Lynx

Used

Ever since I was a boy I've been used. Almost like a rag doll. People seem to play me when they're bored, and then toss me out when they've finished with me. Eventually, I had become accustomed to it; that's just the way it is sometimes, y'know?

I mean, at least I was wanted for something.
At least I was useful.

I had subconsciously came to the conclusion that every person who roamed this sick earth only did things for me in expectancy of something in return.
But I was wrong.
Eiji didn't want anything.
Anything at all.

As I carelessly melted into his warming embrace, I felt cherished for the first time. He didn't want sex. He didn't want money. He didn't want my life. He wanted me to feel safe.
"Ash?" his quiet, concerned voice asked. My eyes wouldn't open. How I wish I could've stay like that forever.
"Can we please stay like this for a while.." I pleaded, so weakly that I was surprised he heard. Fondly looking back on the memory now, I wonder if he even heard me at all. Maybe he had just understood my wishes, even if I didn't declare it verbally.

How could Eiji understand that at his young age, even when I didn't actually say anything, yet others didn't understand what 'stop' meant, no matter how many times I said it?