Char existing XIII

I'm probably gonna delete this later

you don't have to read this, if I've known you for a while it will probably upset you, but I just have to get this off my chest

I've just been thinking a lot recently about how things will never ever be like they were when we all met almost four years ago. those days when we all had Hamilton anons, when me and Artie had an endless number of alts for our ocs, all of that

we will never get any of that back, when we all talked every day, when the crackheads were just freshly formed, when we were all basically fetuses

and suddenly I'm two years away from adulthood

I feel so many things looking back on those days and most of those feelings I don't like

I am not going to make even start on Isa

I desperately want those days back, I want to be that twelve year old again, that twelve year old sitting in front of her dad's computer, playing Hamilton videos over and over and writing and reading fanfics and making ocs

but I can never get that back none of us can ever get those days back those days were simultaneously some of the best yet the absolute worst

we all went through so many things we all learned so much about ourselves

I want to be Mak again or at the very least new Char again but I never ever will and it tears me apart that that version of me is dead, she's not coming back

I lost things that year, I gained things that year, all of us did

I don't know where I'm going with this anymore but I just needed to say all this idk if I'll delete this later or not and I'm sorry if I upset any of you