twelve.

an unsent letter to lee minho

"i love you, my first and last"

-☆

i see you looking from a far. i see you sitting alone while looking at me with those adorable eyes. you were the kid with glasses whou would always look at way. how could i don't remember you?

my days had always been better with you giving me random notes and quotes with chocolates on the side.

when you suddenly stop, my days had been gloomy. as if the only reason i look forward to going to school stop and the dark clouds are all over me.

maybe i did notice you absence back then because there was no one who look at me the way that you did. back then i heard rumors but i was too ignorant to acknowledge it.

when i see your paper with the chocolates on my locker next week, i jumped in joy.

maybe i did notice the smudge on the letters, but again i was too ignorant to acknowledge it.

back then i was young and immature. i never had the courage to bring myself to go to you, in order to take care of my 'reputation', i'm sorry.

after graduating from high school i continue to pursue my dream of becoming an idol. being on stage makes me happy and i know a lot of people love my singing and rapping.

as i started my first concert, i notice the pair of adorable eyes on the back but i couldn't recall where or when i've seen it.

as the fanmeet occur, i did my usual routine of greeting and talking to the fans. and when its your turn, i immediately know it was you eyes who looked at me that way at the concert.

i've got the courage to ask you if i have known you before, and you smiled adorably which might caused me to feel cartwheels in my stomach.

you told me went to the same school and i immediately remembered you as the kid with glasses. and damn you've become even more prettier than you were before.

i gave you my number and we started texting which leads us to hangout everytime i had the free time.

it was lovely, i keep on stupidly waiting for my free days to come just to hangout with you.

i remember slipped and called you pretty prince, god i remember how cute you were when you heard me call you that. after all it suits you, my pretty prince.

so i always started my text with a good morning cutie and end it with a goodnight my pretty prince.

i didn't know why but i told you i've never loved anyone. want to know why?

its because i was waiting for the person who gave me letters since we were twelve to show up in front of me.

i know i'm stupid. i was too stupid too not notice it earlier. on why you always look at my way, why you were always besides my locker every morning. goddamn i was stupid.

we keep on hanging out at the spesific abandoned yet lovely park that i actually plan to show my future partner. guess i can't now as you're gone.

but slowly i noticed your slight changes that became noticeable as time passes by.

how you're getting thinner, how you're getting tired even if its just a short walk. your shallow breaths, how you're getting weaker.

but everytime i asked you would replied you were tired, which i decided to not press on it since maybe you have low iron that cause you being tired.

or maybe i just didn't wanna overthink it.

but those thoughts all change when you suddenly became distant. i confronted you but you avoided it as if you're hiding the truth.

it went to the point i stop asking anymore because i didn't want to ruin whatever we had.

slowly i realise i had fall for you. there is no specific why but i just love you.

you're pretty and cute but what i love the most is your kindness, your love for cats, your fondness, your smile, your soft gaze.

everything, everything about you that are worth to love.

so one day i decided to text you and ask you to meet me at our park. after all it was when my schedule is free.

i wait and wait for you. until i could feel raindrops on me. i check the time and I didn't expect to see that i have waited for you, for three hours.

but then i texted you telling it was pk even if you didn't come because it was raining and i'm worried that you would come with nothing to cover, despite i dont even have anything to cover me.

i dialled my manager as soon as i found a shelter, then open our chatbox. it shows that you were on the chat so i just let it be.

i texted you my usual goodnight text and stare the chatbox hoiping you reply with your 'goodnight my quokka' but somehow my text was left on seen with no replies.

i didn't know why but i wanted to confess to you that time so i wrote,

'dear my pretty prince, i love you so much, i hope you know that. i wish you accept my confession even if it'll take time. i feel the urge to tell you now. goodnight and have an adventure in your dream my pretty prince'

but all i received was a sorry from you. i remembered how devastated and confused of me when you say you're sorry. why did you?

i'm glad you wrote the letter or i would keep on questioning myself.

but why? why did you have to leave at the fullest point of my life? why didn't you tell me sooner? why did the universe did us dirty with their own work?

i hope in another universe, you were here.

i hope in another universe, you could achieve your dream as a dancer.

i hope in another universe, i noticed my feelings towards you earlier.

lee minho,

i would love you and will continue to love you even if you aren't here anymore.

i cherished every moment with you.

let's have a better story in another life.

so that we wont be the story that you hated.

maybe we would be soulmates in another life.

and i'm sorry i love you too late.

dear my pretty prince,

i love you,

my forever love,

my first and last.

the unsent letter to you,
han jisung
13/12/2023