The Trouble With Wanting

Chapter 1

Just a few more hours before I get to see you. Are you excited? Because I am!!

Tessa chuckled to herself as she read Osha's message one last time. She loved Osha's excitement, especially when it was centered around their reunion. It had been five years since they last saw each other. Well, there was that one day that Osha was passing through her state and they had lunch but this would be the first time, in a long time they would be together longer than a few hours and though she would downplay her excitement through texts to Osha, she was almost certain she was more excited than Osha herself.

She met Osha her first year in college and before Tessa knew what was happening, she fell in love with Osha but Tessa had a girlfriend back home and Osha seemed completely out of her league and she was. At least that's what Tessa continued to tell herself. Osha was everything anyone could want and it was up to Osha to decide who that was but she never chose Tessa, as much as Tessa prayed for it.

Tessa wished for a drunken night romp that never happened, an accidental kiss that she was always too afraid to initiate, and an overshare of feelings that she just couldn't put into words, which left her in the friend zone and she would be okay with that for some time, simply to have Osha in her life.

Then Osha got a girlfriend and friendship wasn't enough for Tessa anymore but what could she do? Nothing. All she did was grin and bear it. They drifted apart then, only briefly but that was until Osha got her heart broken. Tessa couldn't sit idly by and watch her friend go through the breakup alone so she was there to listen even if it pained her to do so and comfort her.

What happened next was something Tessa hadn't prepared for; she wasn't prepared for Osha leaving. Osha's ex-girlfriend had made it difficult for Osha to be in the same place as she was apparently and it pained her to stay. There were too many memories that Osha wanted to be away from but what about their memories, Tessa thought, what about her?

Letting go of Osha was the hardest thing she had to do and even harder still not to tell Osha how she felt but it wasn't the right time and every day Tessa regretted that she hadn't taken a chance.

Now, there she was, minutes away from seeing Osha again, after their time apart and her anxiety was palpable. Despite the frigid air outside, she stood there waiting, smoking a cigarette to calm her nerves. She had picked up the habit back in college when she wanted to impress Osha. It had worked but not in the way she had hoped, yet she had kept the vice because it was the only thing she had.

As Tessa blew out the last stream of smoke, she saw Osha's car approaching. Her face shone through the windshield as she pulled up and the smile that spread across the woman's face, only made her do the same, she even went as far as waving back to her gleeful woman behind the steering wheel. Way to play it cool, Tessa, she admonished herself as she brought her hand back down.

With a deep calming breath, Tessa made her way to the car, tossed her bag in the back seat, and hopped into the front passenger seat of Osha's Red Toyota Corolla.

"You're here!" Both of her hands were off the wheel and for a moment Tessa thought she would initiate a hug but she hadn't.

"I am," Tessa replied dryly then clasped her hands together. "You told me it would be cold but not this cold. I'm freezing my nuts off."

Osha laughed and rubbed Tessa's arm but the act only made Tessa shiver more. "I told you to wait inside."

"I came out for a smoke."

"Well, the heater's on. You'll be warm in no time." Osha drove off, checking her rearview mirror in the process. "I'm so glad you're here. I want to hug you but I guess that'll have to wait." Tessa was blowing hot air into her cold palms, trying not to overthink the cold and the excitement in Osha's voice. "So, how was the flight?"