house of memories - lumine x dainsleif ↲

★ 1. regret

lumine

★ .

i wish to feel something beyond regret. something beyond anger. anger at the world, anger at the sustainer of heavenly principles, anger at my brother for not coming back. 

i'm sitting on the second floor of the angel's share, watching diluc and jean practice their ballroom dance. watching mika and noelle shy away from the alcohol. watching that blonde boy, the one who i really want to kiss and hug.

i watch him smirk as diluc and jean kiss, and then he downs another glass of wine. i don't know if he can see me. i don't know if i want him to. there's too much between us, too much left undone for it to be rejoined again. 

i wonder if he still thinks about me. if his heart still flutters whenever he's reminded of me. i wish i hadn't left things the way i did. i should've tried harder to fix things between us, especially when i know that things are already so broken on his side anyway.

i think about the times we spent under the stars on starsnatch cliff, watching small comets shoot by. or sitting on the top deck of wangshuu inn with xiao and zhongli, drinking tea and letting the wind calm our hearts. 

"zhongli, what do you think of love?"

"it drives people to their best. and it will make people dive into the worst. love is an untamed emotion, and it will eat you alive if you're not careful."

it's far too late now, to try to fix what has been broke beyond repair. if fate wishes it, then maybe i'll go for him one day. but not now. i don't want to hurt him more than he's already been hurt.

part of me chides me for giving up so easily. isn't that what set me apart from aether? my stubbornness, how unwilling i was to give up. never would i have abandoned anyone the way i am right now.

but the other sides screams at me to be rational. what benefit will i have from staying or fighting any longer? i have nothing to lose anymore. 

i want to go to wangshuu inn right now, and sit under the dihua moonlight. xiao would know what to do. he would help me in anyway he could. after all, he too is chasing after someone i know. 

maybe i'll dance anyway. just right here, on the empty dark second floor of the winery. i'll have my eye on the man, and i'll be out of sight. 

i drink a shot. it's suddenly too hard to stand straight. i am not a good drinker. one bottle can render me immobile. 

one, two, three.

one, two, three.

one, two, thee.

waltz.

i'm not exactly sure how to dance. it was never my strong suit, nor was it something i learnt formally. i just have vague memories, i think? dancing with the blonde boy...dancing with the pretty boy...

the alcohol is taking over quite fast really. i giggle a little at my sorry state. what pretty girl dances alone? in the dark? i'm a princess...i'm a princess...

a small tear drips down my face. i'm so lonely. nobody loves me. aether left me. i pushed him away. i miss being cared about. i want love so bad.

my foot gets lodged into a nook in the floor and, crash, i fall on my face on top of the hard wood. there's no doubt someone's heard the commotion up here.

"lumine!"

"lumine! are you ok?"

"traveler!"

voices are surrounding me. worry. concern. such fickle emotions, faked by constructs of human sympathy.

someone picks me up. my eyesight's too blurry to make out anything in my vision. blonde hair. blue eyes. 

"it's ok, lumine. you're with me," he murmurs into my ear.

i lull a little and snuggle into his chest. he seems familiar. he should be. i know everyone at the winery right now, but i'm too drunk to understand.

and then it hits me.

it's dainsleif.