𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗟𝗗 𝗙𝗨𝗟𝗟 𝗢𝗙 𝗗𝗔𝗥𝗞𝗡𝗘𝗦𝗦 ༄ 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝗇𝗂𝖼𝗄 𝗈𝖽𝖺𝗂𝗋

chapter thirty

- THE SOUND OF GUILT -

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

ARGUABLY, THERE WASN'T anything more torturous than guilt. You weren't only haunted by the idea of displeasing someone else, but that displeasure tracked and hunted you down until you were on your knees, begging for mercy.

     Guilt ate Nadia alive. The screams and cries of pain she's heard from her friends and family resonated deeper in her mind than anything else. And in the depths, they echo.

     Snow took this guilt and made a weapon of it. She did wrong in his eyes, the woman unsure of the impact her broadcasted statement made, but with the way her guilt was used against her, she knew it must've caused an uproar.

     "Nadia, help me!"

     Paisley's cry attacked her first, a swift kick in the side to start this match of cruelty.

     "No! Please!"

     Similar to the song of those retched jabberjays, Emory yelled out in a pained sob that mirrored the one Nadia screamed as a reply.

     For her crime, she was taken straight from Snow's mansion and driven to the tributes center where she was thrown into her old cell with the screens already on, displaying moments that she dreaded to relive.

     Everywhere she looked, death followed. All six of the kills she made during the sixty-seventh Hunger Games were like rolls of thunder, so frightening, one after the other. Watching Micah's death tore open her heart as she watched the blood spill from his neck and she laid there alive after killing her friend.

     She looked away only for her wet eyes to land on Woof when she killed him in the most recent games. Looking at it for longer than she'd like, she could still feel the arena around her. Saltwater splashing up the sides of the rocks and hitting her ankles, feet shaky on the uneven grounds of the cornucopia, heart pounding against her chest as she realized she had to take his life in order to preserve hers.

     She wished she hadn't, then she wouldn't have to see this now.

     "You don't have to—"

     Her entire body jumped as the image of her father being shot in the head was thrown at her like a solid punch. And like the guilt she carried, it brought her helplessly to her knees.

     If she had the strength, she would've killed herself right there before they dared to show her the one death she hadn't witnessed in the short span of one minute.

     But she was too weak to fight it.

     As she watched Finnick fall to the ground with Katniss' arrow sticking out of his chest, she fell to the floor completely as she pleaded with the Peacekeepers to stop.

"Stop! Please, I can't—" She begged, words caught as a sob racked in her throat.

"Help me!" Paisley screamed.

    "Nadia!" Emory shouted.

     She watched in her head as Micah's last words screamed at her through the speakers on the walls, her eyes squeezed shut in terror, wound too tight to open.

"I'm so sorry..." He'd say before she took his life too.

She couldn't breathe, all the air in her lungs had exited the moment she was shoved inside this cell, and she felt as though she was being strangled when Ellis' soft voice made way to her ears.

"I love you, kiddo."

"Don't do it! Please, don't! Please!" She yelled, but her pleas fell on deaf ears and again, she heard Finnick mutter Katniss' name before being cut off by her arrow.

"Stop! I can't do this!" She felt a sharp pain in her throat. Maybe her vocal cords had given all they had and couldn't contain her screams for their banshee-like volume.

Nadia laid there on the cold floor as each kick of a cry landed in her hip and a punch to the gut kind of screams continued to hit her one after the other until she was sure she was no longer conscious.

Her vision was blurry from the tears and she was sure from the lack of oxygen in her lungs. Her head pounded like it was ready to jump out of her skin and join the puddle of tears surrounding her.

"Nadia, please!" She'd hear Paisley or Emory yell, calling for help as they endured torture just because they knew her.

"Turn it off!" She just barely heard Peeta argue from the cell beside hers, his voice weak but angry.

"There's only one victor, Nadia." Micah's voice, masked with the curse of the games, shaking and guilt ridden. He didn't deserve the death she inflicted.

"Get her the fuck out of there or I swear to god I'll kill every single one of you!" She heard bits and pieces of Johanna's threat, nothing so ear piercing as her own cries making everything else muffled.

Then, everything stopped.

She wasn't sure for how long as those deaths replayed themselves in her mind, stuck there with the adhesive of guilt, echoing so loud she was still lying on the tile as tremors shot through her like a thousand volts of electricity.

"Nadia!" It was Peeta's voice, sounding as if he was standing above her and she was underwater. Close yet so quiet and incoherent. "It's okay, it's okay! It's off."

His voice wasn't close by at all she realized when her hearing finally honed in and it wasn't him who sat beside her with his hands on her arms.

When her eyes peeled open, she found Sonny above her with a few tears streaming down her cheeks, eyes wide as she gripped Nadia's arms tight to try and pull her out of the past.

Nadia couldn't stop shaking, her heart creeping up her throat and when Sonny pulled her into her arms, she held onto the girl as cries escaped her and panic set in.

"I can't breathe!" Nadia's eyes widened, staring ahead of her and her vision wasn't back fully, heightening her fear.

"I can't—"

"Whoa, Nadia, hey!" Johanna's voice shook with worry as she yelled to her. "Hey, you gotta calm down. You have to breathe."

Sonny rocked her back and forth, rubbing her back and cradling her head like an infant in need of nurturing. She was lost in the guilt, breath snatched and eyes weary.

The young girl snapped her fingers to try and get her attention being the only thing that she could use to make any noise, Nadia's vision near disappearance.

"Nadia!" She heard Johanna shout at her catching onto Sonny's snapping and Nadia's lack of commotion.

"Nadia, wake up!" It was Peeta she thinks, his voice morphing into the screams of her loved ones and as she drifted off into the realm of her subconscious, she prayed silently that she wouldn't return.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

you guys, i swear the chapters are going to be longer, i promise!

i was going to publish chapter thirty-one today too, but i spent the entire day with my sister who literally held me hostage so i didn't have any time to edit

if i get out of work at a decent time tomorrow, maybe it'll be up by then!

also, this one's kinda sad and doesn't have a whole lot going on, but shit's about to get crazy in the next few chapters, so i beg of you, bare with me

thank you for reading!

—Cj