Project 43: Healing

Dark and painful

It was dark and painful. Elias felt himself falling through an endless void that somehow crept up his bones and squeezed him up into a ball. He had stopped screaming a long time ago, but it hadn't helped. He couldn't feel his body but he was sure it was still there, holding on to something he couldn't see. 

He was getting tired. His body was aching from the exhaustion and his mind was too tired to function anymore. His head had been empty for a while by then, but he couldn't tell how long. In a way, it was like he was back with Hydra, not knowing where he was, who he was, or how long he had been there. All he knew was the voice in the back of his mind, screaming at him to hold on.

It was his father, his eyes beaming with a sick smile on his lips that Elias wanted to erase. Even tho he closed his eyes, his father's face didn't leave and slowly Elias started wondering if he even had eyes anymore.

His father never moved. He just stayed there, staring at Elias, leaving the man in a constant state of fear, waiting for what he knew would come next. It was like a threat, a sign that no matter what Elias did, his father would always stay there, haunting him, waiting for the perfect time to rip his life into tiny pieces once more.

His smile grew wider, morphing his face inhumanely as he continued to stare at Elias. His brown eyes grew wider by the second as they shined through the void. Elias could only stare, frozen in horror as his father morphed slowly before his eyes into the monster Elias always saw him as. His hands got bigger, stronger, and his nails grew into claws. His feet grew longer and seemingly every muscle in his body got bigger. 

Elias tried closing his eyes, but it was useless. No matter what he did, his father stayed right there in the center of his vision. He wanted to cry but didn't understand where the tears would even come from. He had lost his body. It had fallen off somewhere he couldn't find, leaving him defenseless.

In front of his father, Elias turned into that child he wanted to leave behind. He wanted to cry, he wanted to run out into the world and find anyone who could help him. He wanted his mom back and the man his father used to be. He wanted to play in his room without his father coming in and destroying everything. He wanted to sleep through the night without waking up in fear as his father got home drunk. He wanted to run away, go anywhere but there.

Elias sat up against the cold concrete wall, feeling the sharp edges of the surface digging into his skin. He had been sitting there for hours, the only light shining into the room through a small window in the door. He didn't move, he never did. His body was too tired for even the smallest muscle to change position. Elias hadn't eaten in a couple of weeks, waiting for the next time they needed him. 

He lay numb, staring at the door, waiting for it to open up even tho he didn't want it to happen. Elias wanted to slowly die of starvation even if his body wouldn't allow him to, rather than be sent out again. Maybe they'd do some more updates or maintenance, anything but send him out.

It wasn't a memory because, in his memories, Elias didn't feel. He was scared and he had been scared for a long time. He was afraid of everything around him, but his body was too exhausted to react so he just stayed there, unable to move, waiting for the next horrible thing to happen.

The cold played on Elias' fingers through his thin gloves. He watched as his breathing turned into fog and followed as it rose up and slowly disappeared. He was bouncing up and down slightly, trying to keep himself warm as he waited for his brother to get out of school. Steve had promised to walk Elias home but the boy was late again.