hell was the journey (but it brought me heaven)

one

Yaman spends the entire car ride screaming nonsense about Ateş. Feraye feels a headache coming on, and she is so confused, because why would Ateş not come? He's obviously let her go.

When they get to the house, she can't wait to get out of the car.

"You've been awfully quiet," Yaman comments. She closes her eys, turning to face him.

"I have nothing to say."

"Really? Not a thing?"

"Yaman," she starts, "look, I'm sure something happened to make him not come. He wouldn't just not show up."

He shakes his head, angry. "He's doing this just to get back at me."

Feraye grabs his arm. "Get back at you for what?" He stays quiet. "Yaman, get back at you for what? What did you do?"

.

Guneş comes to stand beside him and doesn't say anything.

He doesn't say anything, either, keeps his gaze directed forward.

"You want to know why I didn't go," he says. It's not a question.

She nods. "Yes."

"Do you want the truth?"

"Always."

"The truth is," he tells her, looking her in the eyes, "I wanted to hurt Yaman."

Guneş is quiet for a moment, contemplating whether or not she should say what's on her mind. She tries to bite her tongue, truly, but she can't. This man is either lying to her or to himself, and she needs to know either way. "Is that the only reason?"

"Efandem?"

"Is that the only reason you didn't go to the courthouse? Because you wanted to hurt your brother?"

He frowns. "Yes."

She chews on her bottom lip. "You wanna know what I think?"

He smiles bitterly, shakes his head. "I'm pretty sure I don't."

She shrugs. "I'm gonna tell you anyway," she informs him. He lets out a defeated sigh and looks into her eyes. She knows what she's about to say will burst his bubble, will most likely hurt him, but she has to say it, and he has to hear it. "You're still in love with Feraye, Ateş."

He shakes his head immediately. "No. No, I'm not. I fell out of love with herthe second I found out Yaman loves her."

Guneş smiles sadly. "It doesn't work that way, Ateş. It's not something you can force. You can't just choose to stop loving someone. It's not possible."

"Yes, it is," he says through gritted teeth.

"No."

He turns to her, and instead of desperation, she can only see sorrow in his eyes. "It has to be, Güneş."

She can't take it anymore. She closes the distance between them and pulls him into her arms. He buries his face in her neck, but doesn't hug her back for a few seconds. "You're still in love with her, Ateş," she whispers in his ear, "and that's okay."

It's not okay.

It's hurting her, and him. It destroyed the small possibility they had of making it work. She doesn't love him yet, but she thinks she could, given the time- loving Ateş Gülsoy would be the easiest thing in the world.

But she's sure, now more than ever, that even if she did love him, he will never love her back; not the way she wants him to.

He pulls away, eyes red and hurting and angry. "I don't want to be," he tells her, "I really thought I could move on."