have faith - bill & tom k

9

bill's seat was empty the next morning as class started. tom seemed to be the sole person to notice; nobody else really cared. the empty spot seemed to reverberate ominously, rippling through the room as every impact struck tom with the weight of an anvil. where was he? maybe he had done something stupid when he got home and saw....

tom clenched his fists on the table, gritting his teeth, trying not to fidget. twitching around tirelessly in his seat would only increase his growing sentiment of foreboding and guilt.

tom had believed that once he and dereck began talking and abusing bill again, things would gently fall back into their previous normalcy. but something was nagging him at the back of his mind, stopping him from reaching his goal—and that nag was in the form of a skinny little boy decadent in eyeliner, hair products and odd clothes.

his foot tapped the floor erratically and tom shifted about uncomfortably. he should have kept his mouth shut and not said anything about the caterpillar: it hadn't done anything wrong. getting to bill through the little brown creature seemed almost cruel now... but dereck had said he really wanted to hurt bill and the caterpillar had been one of the only sources of furious passion bill had displayed; he had brought that thing everywhere with them. tom had grown so accustomed to its presence; he had almost forgotten it was still supposed to be a school assignment.

breaking into bill's house had been awful. handing over the precious caterpillar to dereck had been beyond worse.

"this is what bill loves the most? you have got to be kidding me...i still think we should trash his guitar."

"trust me, he loves that thing way more then the guitar," tom said quietly, not looking at the tiny being whom he felt he was betraying cold-heartedly.

dereck chuckled harshly, "man, what a fucking retard. we should trash the guitar anyway, for good measure. i can't believe he'd like this bug more than that. i mean, god, look at it. it's damn ugly."

"it's not ugly," tom snapped immediately, on reflex, not thinking about what he was saying, "maybe you're just stupid." he stopped himself just in time and shut up, realizing what he was saying.

dereck stared at him for a moment and when he found tom had nothing else to say, he merely shrugged, though his eyes were now reduced to suspicious slits.

"whatever you say..."

tom couldn't look up, he felt so ashamed. and angry. very angry. he didn't exactly know why, he just knew he felt a strong urge to wrench the jar holding the bug out of dereck's palm and kicking the motherfucker in the groin. but instead, he walked over to the stand with the guitar and ran his fingers over the familiar curves, remembering the times he had spent in this room playing to the sound of bill's voice. he had enjoyed being here with bill so much more then being here with dereck.

but that was over, that was then, this is now.

and right now, he had a status to get back.

"we should go. before, you know...before his mom gets home."

dereck nodded, his suspicion seemingly evaporating on the spot.

"i still think we should trash the guitar."

"no!" tom shouted.

dereck was looking at him like he was seeing him for the first time as tom breathed deeply through his nostrils, trying to rein in his fury.

"leave the guitar, let's just go," tom continued more quietly, trying to regain his composure.

"yeah, let's go," dereck agreed, feining indifference though he was barely away from glaring at his partner in crime.