coffee stains ; larry stylinson

chapter sixteen

louis was standing in front of the cafe he and lottie and agreed to meet up at. 

he was jangling with nerves, shuffling from one foot to another like a nervous schoolboy. harry had asked if louis wanted him to accompany him. louis was touched, but refused. he needed to do this alone. 

louis had worn the best clothes he could find. he needed to look his best. he needed his sister to know he was perfectly okay, that he was living a perfectly normal happy life. 

a life that lacked the very vital part that made it whole. but a life nevertheless. 

taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open and made his way inside. it took him a second to find her, but when he did, he thought he might as well just collapse. 

she was sitting there, her perfectly manicured nails tapping on the table nervously. she was thirteen when louis left her and in those three years she'd grown so incredibly much. the childish softness of her face had given to sharp, smooth angles. her short hair which was always in braids was long and hung loose around her shoulders. 

she spotted him as he raised his hand in greeting, got up from her seat and bolted to him, throwing her arms around him in a hug so tight and forceful louis staggered back. 

"louis louis louis," she whispers. "oh, where have you been." 

and before he got a chance to reply, she was shoving herself off of him and punching him in every place she could get her hands on, yelling incoherent stuff at him, until one of the workers had to pull her off. louis assured them that it was okay and gently walked her over to a table in a secluded corner. 

"hey, charlotte," louis says to her gently. 

lottie looks at him with tear-stained eyes. "don't hey charlotte me, louis. what were you thinking? running away from home at 15? do you know what that did to us? to mom? to wake up one day to find that you were missing? with no explanation, no note except one that said 'don't try to find me'?"

louis raised a hand to silence her. "i'll tell you, lottie. just answer this one question, and i promise i'll tell you everything."

"very well," she said, doubt in her eyes. "fire."

"did dad move back in?" 

he could see the surprise in lottie's eyes, and then hesitation.

"he, um, he moved back in a couple of months ago, yeah," she answers carefully, skepticism clouding her voice. louis let himself relax: his mission was accomplished. 

"but i don't understand, louis," lottie says while shaking her head. "what does this have to do with anything."

louis slumped down in his seat. "everything, actually." he hesitated. "he was the reason i left."

"look, louis, i know things have never been easy for you ever since you came out and everything but-"

"he took the twins and he left. do you know how that was for mom?"

"but-"

"he hated my guts," louis says quietly, staring at the table. "i disgusted him. when he left he said he won't come back as long as i still lived under that roof."

"louis-"

"you, mom and fizzie lost half of your family. i couldn't do that to you. phoebe and daisy were so young. they needed mom. they needed their sisters."

"you're our family, too!" she protested.

louis smiled wanly at her. "what is one repulsive family member at the expense of three?"

lottie gasped. "don't say that-"

"it's true."

she slammed her hands down on the table. "louis, listen to me!"

"no, lottie, you listen to me," louis replies hotly. "the family broke into half because of me. mom was destroyed. i can't imagine what the twins were going through. and you and fizzie need your dad. your sisters. i couldn't stand it in that house, lots. the guilt was choking me. i would've gone crazy. i figured that if i left, dad would come back with the twins and the family would be whole again. and he did! i left and he came back."

she stared at him. "oh, louis," lottie whispers. "i'm so sorry, louis." and then she began to cry. 

"don't cry, sweetheart," louis says softly. "i'm okay. i'm living fine. i go to school, i've got a job. a few friends. you don't need to worry about me."

 "i just miss you," she whispers. "i miss having my brother by my side. you could've at least called."

"i wanted to," says louis. "i wanted to so bad. i just didn't want to f- mess everything up again."

lottie sniffled and huffed out a laugh. "i'm sixteen years old, louis. you can swear in front me."

louis smiles a bit. at least she'd stopped crying. "i know i can. i just don't want to."

"i understand why you left," she says, more sober now. "but it doesn't change the fact that you ran away from home, and that we miss you beyond anything else in the world. and you're not disgusting or repulsive. and you not being there does not make our family whole! our family will never be whole without you!" 

"that was sweet of you to say, lottie," louis says gently. "but it doesn't change the fundamental fact that dad left because of me, came back because i left. and if i go back, he'll leave again."

"i don't suppose you're going to come back for a small visit? no matter how many times i ask?"

louis hesitated and then cleared his throat. "you suppose right. as long as dad is there, i cannot go back. you must understand."

"louis, just give him a chance-"

"no, lottie," louis says firmly. "absolutely not." 

her face fell. 

"but," louis said. "we can hang out right now if you want. i can show you my favorite places."

her face lit up, and for a moment she was a little girl again, reaching her arms out to him. louis, louis carry me. 

he held up a hand. "but first. coffee."

a/n: let's go murder louis' dad. 

are you alone at home with your cactus? in a black dress?

all the love, niya xx ( switching nicknames :D )