Soul (Chaos #1)

Chapter Four

Chapter Four

I sat on the frosty ground for close to an hour, huddled up until the chill of the earth seeped so deep into my bones that I couldn't ignore it anymore. A void had been dug inside me that was far worse than the nothing I usually felt. It was less than nothing yet so much more. My heart had torn in two, and being away from the fae felt like dying. I had felt strong, true emotions: fear, anger, desperation,and even lust. I was terrified I would never feel anything so powerful again.

Because even though there was nothing left, I still knew what was possible, and I yearned to feel again, just for one more second. Only the chill remained, and that had more to do with the careless disregard for life I had witnessed rather than the cold of an Irish winter. And the reminder of the careless disregard I had always had for my life scared me all the more.

Dawn threatened to break, and everything around me seemed perfectly normal except dulled, as if all the colour had been drained out of the world. Life was muted after the fae.

Voices and laughter echoed from somewhere nearby. I got to my feet and limped away, my shoes still with the fae. I folded my arms across my chest and hurried out of the park to begin the walk home. I had no money,no bag, no phone, and no other choices.

I glanced over my shoulder often, feeling that creeping sensation of someone watching my back. A garda car slowed as it passed, but it didn't stop. The trip home passed quickly because I was so absorbed in my memories of the night before. My experience had shaken me, but I began to explain it away, thinking of times in the club when my drink could have been spiked, something plausible that could have caused me to see so many impossible things.

How could I have survived a night with the fae when they all seemed so hell-bent on destroying each other? Except for Drake. A tear rolled down my cheek, surprising me. I hadn't cried since my brother's death, hadn't shed a tear for myself no matter what happened, yet the floodgates were leaking, threatening to unleash a torrent.

I snuck into my house without waking my parents. They slept in on Sundays, but I'd have to face them later. I was close to my twenty-first birthday and paid my own way, but that didn't mean my father had let his control over me slip. But at that moment, I was too weary to deal with anything but getting into bed. I grieved for Drake, a stranger, and felt sure I had lost my mind.

I hid under the duvet until my body stopped shaking. I tossed and turned, too wound up to sleep. Memories became reruns, playing over and over in my mind until I wanted to scream. I had been so determined to escape,but all I could think about was getting back in. I wanted the apples and liquid gold, the four-poster bed and the faery kiss,even if none of it had been real. An ache in the pit of my stomach drew me back to that spot in the park, an ache that made me think I would never rest easy if I didn't see the fae again.

It was the food. I shouldn't have tasted their food. I would never forget. I would pine away with longing. The kiss had been worse. The kiss would kill me.

No.

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. I wouldn't let those thoughts take me. I would sleep. I would forget. I would move on. They couldn't hurt me. I had gotten away. They wouldn't come back for me.

I wished I could ask my grandparents' advice, but I hadn't seen them since Darragh's funeral. They'd fought loudly and angrily with my father. My mother stood by her husband's side, even after he struck her father. My grandparents hadn't come back for me; they were as lost to me as my brother was.

I fell asleep with tears in my eyes, too tired to dream. At one point, my mother's nagging voice woke me, but I pulled the covers over my head until she went away. I slept until late afternoon, but even then, exhaustion overwhelmed me.