Soul (Chaos #1)

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

The next day, the cat was sprawled across my bed as I stared out of the bedroom window. The gardens were beautiful, but I wondered just how much of it was real. Brendan walked amongst the rose bushes with Sorcha, his shoulders hunched. Líle and Anya were playing cards, but Líle's eyes had been trained on me for a while. Realtín and Grim whispered in the corner.

"I'm going fora walk," I announced. Every one of them rose to their feet in a bustle, and I sighed at the idea I would never have privacy again. "Just in the garden," I clarified, but even the cat moved to the windowsill as if to watch over me.

Outside, my little entourage followed me to the rose bushes where Brendan was still wandering with Sorcha. He didn't meet my eyes when we approached, and I felt a little pang of longing. I had spent the night with that body, but the current soul couldn't look me in the eye.

"Should you be allowing her to wander around so freely?" Sorcha asked Líle.

"It's fine," Brendan said.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked.

"I don't think-"

"Please?"

He nodded and waved his hand. "Disperse."

Everyone, including Sorcha, took unwilling steps away from us. I looked back at my fae friends, noted the worry on Grim's face, and turned to Brendan again. He seemed subdued, and I worried a little.

"Can we go back?" I asked. "That place with the willow tree, can we go there again?"

"Why?" He sounded surprised.

"I need... to not have people looking at me when I say this."

He frowned and made a hand signal, likely to let Arlen know he was about to disappear with me. He beckoned me, and I followed him past thorn bushes, past tiny eyes, until we stepped through a gate and found ourselves back on neutral fae territory.

"Is this always here?" I asked.

"Always." He trudged toward the willow tree, giving me no chance to bask in that dying fae sun, such a contrast from the bitter cold back home. "Sit," he ordered when we reached the bench, but he paced in front of it. "If you're looking for an explanation, an apology, you won't find it. I'm fae. That's how we behave. You knew that when you ate the food, took the drink."

"I trusted you," I said. "You played the game with me when I trusted you. When you knew. Why?"

"I didn't mean to. Not at first. But then..." He shook his head. "I had forgotten how it felt to make a connection, to feel... it doesn't matter why. Are you going to be difficult at the ceremony because of this?"

I hated myself for my ready answer. "No. I just wanted to ask you some questions, that's all."

"He's done it then. Trapped you."

"I'm not trapped. I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm probably not making the best decisions, but I'm making the ones that feel good right now. Let me have that one thing, Brendan."

"Fae are all about doing what feels good right now," he said softly. "But your human guilt might make it feel all the worse later on."

"Why do you think I haven't forced you out of his body yet?"

His gaze was filled with pity. I was a child playing in games I would never understand.

I decided to change the subject. "When I was attacked, you said someone other than Realtín sounded the alarm. Was it the cat?"