Never Again

The Morning Stars

27 March 2020

Dear Dairy,

I woke up at 4 in the morning today. Just had this sudden urge to get out of the house, so I put on my shoes and decided to go for a run.

It was cold outside, the sun was not up yet. I could feel the silence all around me, it was peaceful. I looked up at the stars, they were shining bright in the morning sky. I began to think. Will things ever go back to being normal again?

I didn't have an answer. I have been stuck at home for almost two years. At times it starts to feel as though I am a prisoner in my own home. The loneliness starts making me feel lazy and depressed. Will this ever be over? Or is this how I will spend the rest of my life? Has my life changed forever?

I began to think of changes. I always overthink, but I believe that in my over-thinking, I often find wisdom. So, I continue to think.

Changes are so typical in today's society that they have become a part of who we are.

For as long as I can remember, time has changed and so have people. One day people are together, then the next they're apart. "Times change and so do people", a saying I have always liked because it reminds me of how things are changing in everyday life. As I think about the things in my past, I wonder what is next because the world is changing with time.

My life is a great example of this because, as I think about the things I have dealt with so far, and the ways people have come and gone, my life experiences inspire this saying. Time will always change; you cannot stop that, but what about people? I have known a lot of different people over the years, so losing people is known to happen with the promises people have made, the friendships that are lost, the love that outlasts a family, and the feelings one will get when it's all said and done.

So yes, even people change with time. You are not the person you used to be. Your boundaries look different. Your outlook towards things has changed. But, remember that you are walking on a path of purpose and conviction. A great man random dude once said "Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." So, don't be afraid to tell people that you've changed. Reintroduce yourself so they get to know the new YOU.

A lot of people keep thinking of the past and all their good/bad memories. I think it is good to sometimes think of the past and have a little nostalgic moment. But, we should not be lost in the past, wishing that we could go back in time. The past is gone and it has left us with memories to cherish. As far as I know, we still haven't been able to make a time machine. So, we can't go to the past yet. Then the only way for us is to accept life and all its changes because these changes are inevitable.

I guess, I'll have to accept the new normal too, and while I do that, I will continue writing blogs, and try spreading some positivity. I have been spending most of my time writing blogs these days. It really helps to take my mind off all the things that are going on in the world. I posted a variety of blogs and also got many comments from my readers. We had discussions on those topics, and I enjoyed all of it. But then why is there still a feeling of emptiness inside me? It's as if there is a void in my heart which never gets filled no matter what I do.

I need someone to talk to. No offense to you dear dairy. You have been my best companion in these dark times. But, I feel the need for someone who can talk to me about my problems and even help me solve them. I need Friends, but I don't have any. I wish you could talk dairy.

Books – aren't they just fascinating? They can teach you lessons, and give you knowledge. Reading is always fun for me, and it also gives me creative ideas for my blog. While reading I came across a few lines that truly touched my heart.

I believe her words were, "You're that one person who is going to stay with you till the end. Make sure that you love this person first and then spread the love. A lot of people often ask me, 'How do I spread so much love, life and laughter?' It is simple because I love myself." The author has done a great job of portraying her thoughts and feelings.

I have always known the first step to life is to love yourself. Yet, at times that seems like quite a task. That's where friends and family come in. They provide you with love and affection when you are incapable of doing so yourself.

I decided to call my parents. That daily phone call may not have been very exciting for them. I might not have had any new things to discuss, and there might be long moments of silence, but to be able to talk to them, and know that they are safe meant the world to me.

I won't lie to you dear dairy, but talking to my family back home has made me feel that good people still exist out there. The type of people I came across in the past, left me with the feeling that the world is selfish and I am not wrong. The world is pretty selfish, but still, there are many people who care about others as well.

In the evening, I was playing my guitar, and that's when I received a call from my boss, Mr. Singh. For a moment I thought that the time had come, I was finally getting a promotion or maybe a raise. However, the call was to inform me about tomorrow's meeting. I felt really disappointed at first, but then he said that he had a special project for me, and that I had to come to the office to attend the meeting.

I was tired of working from home, and attending hours upon hours of zoom meetings. I could have really used a change, and I was excited to know that I would not have to live like a monk anymore. Yet, I had this fear of contracting the virus and spreading it to my loved ones.

There is nothing quite like the feeling of fear. It sets us on edge. Fear comes from the brain. When people encounter something that frightens them, the hypothalamus in the brain reacts by releasing a series of chemicals to the sympathetic nervous system and the adrenal-cortical system. So basically, it activates your fight-or-flight response system. Oops, I got stuck in science. Sorry, I guess that is one of the effects of being a science student.

So, I decided to talk to my friend about it, and he said, "You are not wrong to be afraid. But, things will go to normal sooner or later. Think of this as the first step. After all, on the other side of fear lies freedom." Talking to him was the right decision because I immediately felt at ease after having that conversation.

Re-starting your life after the pandemic can be both a daunting and hopeful journey. It's an opportunity for personal growth, re-evaluating priorities, and embracing a new normal.

I now realise fear is a pretty important trait to have since it helps us safely navigate and make decisions in dangerous situations. Fear can prevent us from making rash decisions. However, this fear shouldn't stop you from progressing or from moving forward in life.

Well, that's all I had to share with you for today, dear dairy. I will be back tomorrow. Until then...

Yours,

Priyansh