The Definition of a Soul Tie

chapter five

But I wish she didn't leave. I haven't been the same since that day. Maybe she was right. She really did fuck me up. But I couldn't get myself to blame her or be mad at her because I still loved her. But she was never a bad person. Because I fucked her up too. But after I got discharged we stopped being friends. We argued and argued all the time and it made me feel shitty. But I still loved her.

7th grade year started and I saw Olivia again. But as a new person. Her style changed. She dyed her hair green, and I just thought to myself. Did I do this to her? We eventually got over it and we ended up being friends again after arguing because it was pointless. Why argue?

The first day of 7th grade everyone was gathered around in the lunch room for a lecture. I was sitting down with my friends until I saw Olivia and told her to come sit with me. And she did. She sat right in front of me. I was glad she still wanted to be around me after everything.

We started to build up our relationship more and more and started becoming closer again. We hungout together, with friends too. We found a spot in the woods near our school and theres alot of trees and this one tree thats fallen. Me and her got up on it and our friend took pictures of us on there and honestly I wish I could go back to where we were fine.

Then, as we built our relationship up more and more. We got back together. But it felt different this time and I started to self sabotage myself. I didn't want her. But I did. I don't know what this feeling was and I still dont.

We dated for a week because she knew something was off and I couldn't tell her the truth.

I felt shitty. I didn't know why I felt this way.

After that we never talked again.

Until I texted her again.

I'm always the one coming back, it almost feels pointless

We became friends again. Over and over again. But this time we stayed friends. And she changed more and more. This time i'm calling her Vie. Like OliVIEa-- I always think about that.

Vie told me about her crushes and ever since i've dated her I have only gotten into one but it wasn't even serious. it lasted only two weeks.

When it was the last day of 7th grade we were hanging out outside of school. We walked to the park next to our school and talked on the swings and played on the slide like kids. We enjoyed our time together and when her grandma came to pick us up she brought kfc and we went into the woods to show her the fallen tree we always go to.

After that, I went to her dad's house-- It was a sleepover. Once I walked through that door memories started flooding back into my head like it was yesterday but they weren't bad they were the good memories. The memories I missed.

I went into her room and I noticed the stickers she put up on her ceiling when we were on the phone, her dogs, and I noticed her sister on the couch and the memory from when she texted me that day came back. I made mistakes. We all do, but I wish I never messed this up.

Me and her walked to a 711 and she almost got ran over because she doesn't know how to cross the road, we got slushies and snacks. Then, we went to an icecream place

When we came back she was laying on me. Something we wanted to do when we were dating but never got to and I just wish we got to do everything we wanted to before she broke up with me.

I was in the moment of feeling loved and loving her to myself because she already had her eyes on someone else. Kenzie Baker. I wanted to be her because Vie loved her.

A little while later Kenzie confessed to Vie while I was there and Vie was happy. Happier than ever and I felt jealous but I loved seeing her happy. So I was too. Just for her.

So there it happened. She started dating Kenzie Baker. She dated her for months on end and I wish it would've ended. And I might sound like a shit person for saying that but it's true. I wanted her

During the summer we hung out maybe twice but I cherished every moment. We went to the mall and smoked weed in the bathroom and made tiktoks in the parking lot

8th grade hit and they broke up months later and I felt the same. Maybe a bit of joy but I knew we're never bound to happen again and that hurts.

In school she looks at me and I wonder what she thinks and thoughts flood my mind. I wish we could try again. Forget the past and move on. But that's hard. To forget all the bad parts and how we both fucked up.

Our relationship this year was a rollercoaster of love. We made notes about eachother practically pouring our hearts out, wrote letters for eachother, etc and I wonder how could I have possibly fuck this up so badly again.

I made friends and I told them about Vie and how we dated and some say I fumbled, some say she fumbled but I don't think that's true. In 6th grade we both were losers and outcasts. But that just shows how much we changed. Before we were perfect for eachother, now we aren't.

When I told them they wouldn't shut up about it. When Vie found out I told them she got really mad and I felt bad. Now I agree I should've kept my mouth shut because that's just out business and people like to ruin good things. And they did.

One day, I finally told Vie. I called her.