Falling Feeling

chapter one

"And suddenly you know. It's time to start something new, and trust the magic of beginnings. She liked beginnings."

– Meister Eckhart

IT was night and I was running, and I don't understand why I was because I hate it. Running I mean. But I felt fear of.. something? I heard breathing on and off.. and an alarm clock? Someone was saying my name. And weirdly enough it sounded like a familiar voice, but I couldn't tell who it was. It was a girl though, I was certain of that. All of it felt frightening in some sort of way, like I wasn't quite there. And then I woke up.

'Gracie, you up?' I heard Lynn coming up the stairs. 'Your alarm snoozed like 3 times already. God, you're going to make me late.' She whispered that last part.

Stretching, I picked up my phone. August 9th, 8:43. Shit. It's 8:43, I was going to make myself  late.

'I swear to..' she sighed. 'Gracie. If I open this door and you're not standing up, ready to go.' She opened the door and I was in fact not ready to go.

'Hello Raelynn, my dearest and most favorite sister.' I looked up.

'Gi, as far as I know Mason is still a boy, which would make me your only sister, so don't even,' she threw some clothes at me.  'Just get ready.'

"Gi" was what most people called me. I think it is from how my friend from kindergarten used to say my name. It felt a little weird that people were still using it though, seeing as that friend moved away when I was 6. Some of my current friends had heard my siblings say it and it spread around.

Either way, I smiled at her. But only because I wanted a ride to school. I missed the bus and there was no way I was walking. Nothing's worse than coming to school, late and being a sweaty panting mess.

'No, you're not getting a ride Gracie.' She didn't even look at me, I don't know how she does it. But when she finally did look at me she said 'Mason took the car so I'm getting a ride with John in like 5 minutes.' John was her boyfriend, they were cute and all but sometimes they made me want to off myself.

You know what I mean.

'I don't know what you're talking about Lynn, I'm not trying to get a ride,' I tried to sound as innocent as I could but the chance of getting a ride felt like it was getting slim. 

'Well good then,' she just glared at me. 

'Can't I get a ride with dad?' I stopped for a moment to listen, but I didn't hear any loud noises from downstairs. My dad was often loud, and not so often was it on purpose. He was always playing music or making some complex dish that no one's ever heard of. Ever. I liked that about him.

'You can't. You know he has the early shift on Fridays,' she said.

Well he used to be loud. Now he works most of the time, at least more than he did when me and Lynn were younger. I guess he just wants to give us the life we deserve, we think that he's putting too much on his plate. Sometimes he would even call us his 'most expensive gifts'.

To be fair my siblings, mostly Lynn, have always been taking care of me in some way. Our parents were like 16 when they got her, 20 when they got me and somewhere in the middle they got Mason. Mom left soon after I was born, I guess she just wanted to do something with her life. Sometimes I think it was my fault in some way, I mean she stayed for four years with Lynn and then Mason. I try not to think about it. I mean it'd be quite boring if I just went around telling my sob story, it's kind of a downer. Anyways for the past 16 years it has been me, Mason, Lynn and dad.

'Well how am I getting to school then?' I asked, trying to think about something else. Please Lynn change your mind, I thought. Because even though I'd prefer not being the "third wheel" in my sister's relationship. It's better than the alternative. I'm. Not. Running.