Harry Potter and the New Bloom (A Marauders AU)

Couple's Brunch

"What is more normal than a gay couple hosting Sunday brunch with mimosas and couple friends?"

Sirius was setting the table in their kitchen, tiny vases with little flowers floating to their rightful place in the center by the little napkin holder... champagne flutes with sparkly and orange juice already on the table... bacon and eggs sizzling in the pan on the stove... and a matchmaking plot hatching in his mind.

Remus leaned against the doorway to the kitchen of the flat in East London, his arms crossed over his chest, the Daily Prophet folded up under one arm. He pursed his lips in disapproval. "There is nothing natural about this," Remus said, fluttering one hand at the table. "James is going to smell your dirty intentions all over you the second he walks in here, you know."

Sirius laughed and paused, wand still moving about like a conductor. "Remus, honey, have you met James Potter? Of course he isn't going to smell my dirty intentions. Love, I could have a hot pink neon sign flashing the words MATCHMAKING SESSION IN PROGRESS and our delightfully thick arsehole of a friend would stare at it and go - whuss thot heer fawr?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Alright, maybe so, but that doesn't mean you ought to take advantage."

"As I have patiently explained multiple times to you, Moony, I'm not taking advantage. I'm... orchestrating the hands of fate to enable her to make good choices for our good mate."

Remus shook his head.

"Besides, I thought you weren't able to attend brunch this morning? I thought you had a meeting with one of your sexy male models I'm not allowed to oggle over?" Sirius said, adjusting one of the forks at the table with the tip of one finger, staring down his nose at the flatware piece. He looked up at Remus.

Remus sighed, "No, he cancelled on me last minute. It appears that the budget the school gave me for hiring models just isn't appealing enough to get any of them to agree to do the job." Remus shifted so his weight was on the opposite foot, "I can't say I blame them, though, it's a stupidly low amount of money to offer anyone for the four hours I'll need them to sit for the class."

"I still can't believe the school is willing to pay someone to sit and look pretty for four hours," Sirius scoffed. "Like, how does one go about getting that as a job? I missed my calling, Moonpie!" Sirius paused, then, "Hey, why don't I --"

"No," Remus interrupted him before he could go further. "I love you. I love you so much Sirius, but we both know you can't sit still for four minutes, much less for four hours, and before you say what I just know you're about to say --" Sirius shut his mouth and lowered his raised finger of objection at this as Remus continued, "--no, setting a petrificus totalus on you would not work so don't even bother suggesting it."

Sirius snorted but in a way that made it quite plain he had been about to suggest it.

"So - long story short, you've got a plus one for your own party, congratulations."

"I'm enthralled," Sirius replied. "Now remember, no sabotage will be allowed."

"How could I forget?" Remus asked. "No, Sirius, don't worry about me spoiling your match made in hell. I'll just be out here in the living room, reading my newspaper and pretending that I don't exist."

"Very good." Sirius waved a hand in a shoo-ing motion and Remus muttered something about Sirius's insanity as he headed out to the living room and sank himself into the big thick easy chair, unfolded his newspaper before himself and shook it out.

The fireplace lit up, Remus lowered the top half of the Prophet to look as Harry, followed closely by James, stepped out of the floo. Remus raised his eyebrow. "Good morning James," he said, then, louder and with his face tilted toward the kitchen door, he added, "Good morning Harry, what a surprise to see you!"