Massacre survivors, Sam and Tara Carpenter, follow a precise routine; locked doors, no midnight gatherings, and limited social media━except for their mother, Christina. She pretends and avoid the elephant in the room between the sisters. The tragedy...
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March 31, 2022. mid-afternoon.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤI WONDER WHY WE ALWAYS HIDE WHEN IN GRIEF.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤThey say don't dwell on things that weigh you down, right? Do they mean the things that others do to you or the things that you do to yourself? In this case, perhaps, I'm in the latter. I thought I was sane enough not to open up about how much I still miss Amber. I was wrong.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤLast morning, I expected our usual routine, even though I shouldn't. I caught myself waiting for her to send silly and random videos online. I don't understand some of them, but I end up laughing at how nonsense they were. I'll assume because my humor's broken.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤI'm more fond of when she'd share her movie recommendations. I'd wait for her to link a trailer and comment on it ("found something to hyperfixate!" or "let's watch this soon, it looks cool/awfully good to hate"). Oftentimes, she doesn't watch them alone unless I'm free.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤAmber was the type to research anything bizarre out of the blue. With that, she ends up spoiling herself with the endings or plot twists. One time, I was thrilled to watch Sleepaway Camp but she spilled the biggest surprise of the film by accident – more like she did it on purpose to pull a reaction out of me. I was pissed at her for ruining the hype.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤI wish you were here.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤThat was her last text somewhere in December 2021. This was during the house party she held. Little did I know it was the catastrophe that led to where we are now; Her, a burned corpse 6 feet underground, while I'm so far from that bleak hometown.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤYet, I still wish she was here with me, under the shade of a big tree with a checkered picnic blanket and paper bag of junk food. She would've thought this was so cheesy. I know with enough time, she'd warm up to the idea of a peaceful afternoon. She'd smile without realizing it was the sweetest she ever curved on her lips. I would've convinced her that this was the peace I wanted for both of us once we got out of school.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤEly initiated the spontaneous picnic gathering. It was also to cramp work with Mindy on their film project. Chad, on the other hand, joined in a bit later. He wanted an excuse not to workout. I hopped in at the last minute. I didn't want to go home and rot in my grief for Amber. The least I could do for myself was to try and be present – like most people with normal lives would say.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤChad props his elbow over his blue and yellow letterman jacket. For a scorching noon, he chose to wear a thick and dark polo shirt. He can be vain and overdress at the wrong times. He peeks into Ely's laptop, while she tightens her high ponytail. Ely squints her eyes on the laptop screen, ready to concentrate on a task at hand.
