In The Light

Something Borrowed

"Oh, honey," Jess exhaled as she fastened the hairclip atop Tor's head, securing the veil in place. "You are so beautiful."

Tor turned to face the mirror, her heavy skirt swirling around her legs. She slowly raised her eyes, past the gathered tulle on the ground, over the stretch of ivory fabric around her hips, to the carefully pleated bodice of her dress. Her gaze remained on the line between satin and skin, unable to lift to her collarbone or, even more unimaginably, her face. Months of planning and preparation had been leading to this day. Months of color selection, dress fittings, wedding cake tastings, menu choices, and everything coming together on the same day, and she knew that if she raised her eyes to see herself, it would all become real. Her wedding day would become real.

How was any of this real?

"Hey," Jess said softly, her hand ghosting over Tor's arm before she lightly squeezed it. "Where'd you go?"

"I think I'm still here," Tor murmured. "I just-"

She turned to see Jess beaming at her, white flowers peeking through her golden curls and a smile warming her cheeks.

"I'm getting married," she whispered, shock keeping her voice soft.

"Yeah," Jess confirmed with a tearful nod. "You are."

Tor closed her eyes, counting her breath as she grounded herself in the moment. Married. Of all the ways she had ever seen herself, this was not one of them. But after all this time, she could not imagine going through life as anything other than Aaron's wife. She knew this. She knew she was supposed to be with him. And yet-

"I'm scared," she admitted softly. She opened her eyes as Jess carefully brushed away her tears before they could slip down her made-up face. "Jess, why am I scared?"

"Because you're about to take a big step," Jess said with all the confidence being a big sister gave her. "Knowing it's right doesn't make it feel any smaller."

Tor exhaled shakily, her hands fisting in her skirt instead of reaching for her bare throat.

"Tor? Honey? Do you want me to call Aaron?"

"No, no," Tor quickly assured her, trying to smile without feeling like she was cracking her cheeks and failing almost instantly. "No, I don't need you to call Aaron. Or Virgil. I just-" She forced herself to breathe. Forced herself to focus on the way the neckline felt when her chest swelled into it. The coolness of the skirt beneath her flattened palms. The weight of the fabric resting on her hips.

She managed a stronger smile.

"I'm getting married," she whispered, as if saying it too loudly would make it untrue.

"Yes," Jessica confirmed with a tearful smile.

"To Aaron."

"Last I checked," she replied with a wink. Tor giggled breathlessly, pressing her hand to her stomach to remind her to inhale deeply.

"He loves me," she managed to say without allowing tears to well.

"Yes," Jess said without teasing.

"A lot," Tor murmured in amazement.

"More than even you know," Jess promised.

With the strength of that knowledge, Tor nodded and turned to face the mirror again.

Her breath caught in her lungs when she finally recognized her face as the one in the mirror, but it did not freeze within her like permafrost. It floated like a feather held aloft by a breeze so steady it was as if it had never fallen.

The makeup artist had done an excellent job following Tor's requests, applying just enough cosmetics to give her a fresh-faced glow and a rosy pout that would last through the eating, drinking, and kissing planned for the day. The hairdresser had also kept things simple, curling her hair and leaving it down in an effortless tousle. The pearl hairclip repurposed from her mother's necklace gleamed on her crown, holding the veil in place so it could fall around her shoulder and to the ground like mist masking her footsteps. Her pearl earrings glimmered in the morning light, the other half of her "something borrowed." And her smile- even with tears starting to stream down her cheeks- was so bright she wondered how she could see anything in the mirror's reflection.

"Oh," she exhaled, finally taking it all in. "Oh, this is really happening."

"Yes," Jess confirmed as she wiped her tears away. "It really is."

Tor felt a fresh wave of tears burn her as she thought of how her mother should be here. It felt wrong to not have her be the one to adjust her train or brush a stray eyelash from her cheek. It felt wrong to have her pearls as her "something old," hence the decision to label them as "borrowed" instead. And as right as it felt to finally take Aaron's last name, it felt wrong to know that there would be no more "Beauregards" when the night ended.

"She'd be so proud of you," Jess said, her eyes meeting Tor's in the reflection. Because she knew. Of course, she knew. "So you hear her voice in these words when I say this: you are so beautiful."

Tor choked back her sob as she turned and accepted Jess's offered embrace, both women holding back to keep from messing up the other's carefully crafted looks. Jess had never been one for fancy dressing, but Tor had insisted on buying her a sage green dress that suited her so perfectly that Virgil had half-joked that he would propose by the night's end. The wedding was too intimate to justify a large wedding party, but Tor could not imagine marrying Aaron without Jess by her side. The woman had been a godsend from the moment they met, and it was only fitting that she be the one to watch from the best seat in the house as Aaron and Tor said their vows.

"We need to get going," Jess mumbled before giving Tor's cheek a feather-light kiss. "If we start running behind schedule this early in the day, your wedding planner will kill me. "

Tor chuckled as she reluctantly let go and stepped back, checking herself in the mirror again to ensure her dress was still a stainless expanse of creamy ivory. Jess fussed with the buttons running from her mid back to her bottom, making sure they were perfectly straight before meeting Tor's gaze in the mirror once more.

"Veil on or off?"

"Off," Tor decided without hesitation. She already knew Aaron would want to hold her close, and the last thing either of them needed was a seven-foot-long train getting in their way.

Jess carefully unfastened her hair clip to detach the veil before gingerly draping it over the loveseat. After another moment of checking to ensure her hair was still perfect, they set out for the garden where the first looks were planned.