In The Light

Bloom and Grow Part 4: Small and White

When Victoria awoke, it was to the unfamiliar sensation of someone carrying her up the stairs. She kept her eyes closed and turned her face toward the warmth of their chest. She must have fallen asleep during one of Mama's parties. Victoria was expected to remain up far past her bedtime when Mama was entertaining, but there was only so much a little girl could bear before the boredom of the night wiped her out.

"Shh, it's alright," a low, soothing voice promised. Victoria tried to squirm out of their hold to hear their voice. It didn't sound like Mama was the one talking to her. She certainly wasn't the one holding her. Victoria was six now and far too big to be carried to bed by her mother.

The strong arms tightened around her as she tried to move, and she quickly gave up on the endeavor. Maybe Villard was the one carrying her to bed. Villard was kind. He wouldn't drop her, especially not under their mother's watchful eye.

"Mama?" she asked, voice soft and muffled by the chest of whoever was holding her.

"It's alright, Victoria," her mother promised, hands ghosting over the little girl's back to smooth out the wrinkles in her dress.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep," Victoria murmured, guilt and anxiety curdling in her stomach. She had been so good all night and enjoyed watching the ladies in their beautiful dresses and the men in their handsome suits. She hadn't meant to ruin everything by dozing off on the settee.

"Why are you apologizing, darling girl?" Mama asked with a lilting laugh. "It's almost midnight. Of course, you fell asleep."

Victoria heard the footfalls change when they stopped mounting the steps and began to walk down the hallway. Mama whispered something to the person holding her, and soon, the familiar creak of her bedroom door made Victoria's ears prick up.

"You did so good tonight," Mama praised as the person laid Tor on her bed. She cautiously opened her eyes, straining to see who had carried her, but she only saw Mama's smiling face. "My beautiful girl." She stroked Victoria's cheek before carefully helping her out of her party dress. "So sweet. So perfect."

Tor winced as the tulle scraped down her legs. The fabric had grated against her all night, and having it removed felt like a thousand splinters were being pulled from her skin.

Mama inhaled sharply.

"Why didn't you tell me you were bleeding?" she asked, worry turning her voice from soft to fearful.

Victoria tried to sit up but was too tired to do so.

"I'm bleeding?" she asked weakly.

Mama ran a shaking hand down the inside of her leg, and when she lifted it, Victoria could see the moonlight reflecting off the blood on her fingertips.

"Oh, my sweet girl," Mama exhaled. "What did you do?"

The fear in her voice hurt Victoria more than any fabric, and she began to cry pitifully. Her body was too weak to fully release the sobs, leaving her to tremble as tears ran down her cheeks and her throat closed around her choked wails.

"It hurts, Mama," she cried. "It hurts so bad."

Mama tried to soothe her, but her hands were trembling, and her tears were also flowing.

"I know it hurts, my little dove," Mama said softly. "But you need to get up now. You need to clean up the blood."

"I can't!" Victoria protested through her sobs. The pain was radiating up from her thighs to her stomach, and every breath felt like torture. Her soul was splintering in her body, and she could feel the shards puncturing her from the inside. "It hurts too bad!"