Shine a Light (A McNamSaw Story)

1.) Am I still beautiful

Hello Pookies! Thanks for reading this story. I saw some McNamSaw Fan art on Pinterest and I just had to make a story. Btw this takes place after Heather, Kurt and Ram's Death and Mac has heavy depression!!- Koki ^^

(McNamara's Pov)

I walk into school holding my stuff close to my chest. My face held an expression of depression and sadness. Another day in hell... I took three anti-depressants before I came just in case. Things haven't been the same since... The Suicides... I miss Heather... If she was here it would be the same... How it used to be... Duke has gotten over her head with power... And she acts like she's some sort of Captain and who made her Captain?! 

It's like she takes her anger out on me. I cant say anything without her yelling at me or telling me to shut up... I begin to walk to my locker then I feel a Hand on my shoulder. I turned around and saw Veronica. Veronica... 

The only thing I even look forward to when I come here now... She didn't change... yeah she got a bit more anxious but that's okay... she's still so kind... and pretty... She had a smile on her face but when she saw my face her face turned into one of concern and worry. "Mac... Are you okay...?" She said her voice full of concern. I try to smile bright for her like I used to... Back when things were good... "Yeah I'm okay Veronica- I mean Ronnie..." She definitely knew something was up now... I didn't use the nickname I made her. The one I always called her... 

I'm such an idiot... She got closer to me. I got a closer look at her face. She has dimples and freckles... cute.... "Mac... Are you really okay or are you just saying that so I won't worry..." She said as she looked into my eyes. "I-" Before I could finish I heard Duke's Voice. "Veronica!" She said as she marched her way over she kinda shoved me out the way to get to Ronnie. "Uh Hey Heather..." She said nervously. 

"Hey!? You're Supposed to be helping me in the Library!" Duke said practically yelling at her. Who did she think she was... Yelling at Ronnie... "We were having a conversation..." I said. "SHUT UP HEATHER!" She yelled at me. "sorry heather....." I said quieting down. Ronnie came by my side. "Hey Don't talk to her like that!" She said as she put her hand on my shoulder. I looked at her again. Her eyes are hazel brown.....cute..... Duke scoffed then looked at Ronnie and just walked away. 

I look at the way she walked off. Everyone was scared of her maybe more then they feared Heather. I miss the old her... She would never yell... She gave me her pudding at lunch... She would laugh at my jokes and Heather would also let out a laugh... Before I can stop myself I'm crying. Ronnie looked at me with a worried expression. She turned to me and wiped the tears away. "Don't cry sweetie... it'll ruin your makeup!" She joked. 

I only let out a light chuckle. The truth is I didn't have any makeup on. I could barely find motivation to get up in the morning let alone put on makeup. I looked at her smiling face. Her beautiful smiling face... I feel tears about to come out so I ran off to the bathroom I couldn't face Ronnie right now I can't be strong for her... 

I heard her call after me but I kept running. I enter the bathroom and went into a empty stall and I just  broke down. I begin to cry my eyes out. I miss Heather.... I want the old duke back... I want Veronica to realize that I couldn't tell her... I wish I could be strong.... I wish I wasn't like this... I wish I was dead... I should die...

I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...I should die...

I'm gonna- My thoughts were broken by Ronnies voice. "Mac... open the door" She said I sat there for a second before her voice came again. "Mac... please" She said her voice kinda lower then the last time. I can't resist her... I reached towards the door and open it. She walked into the stall and closed the door. We were pretty close right now... "Mac..." She began but then I hugged her and just started sobbing. 

I wanna be strong for her... I wanna be able to smile like I used to.... "R- Ronnie I'm so sorry! I- I'm sorry I c- cant be strong for you! I- I'm sorry I can't smile for you! I- I'm sorry! I haven't even been eating right! And I- I'm sorry! T- this is all my f- fault! If I spent m- more time with Heather s-she wouldn't have committed suicide!" I kept going but before I could continue I felt her lips press against mine. She kissed me. Why. I began to melt into the kiss as I close my eyes. 

She slowly pulled away and I wished she didn't. "Ronnie... You don't mean that..." I said looking away from her. There's no way someone like her could like someone like me. "I do... Heather listen to me. You are amazing. You are strong. None of this is your fault. You did all you can do. And everything happens for a reason." She said as she got a bit closer to me. "Even if it hurts..." "Even if it hurts." How could someone like her exist. 

Shes just so amazing. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve to be alive while shes here. I should be dead. I shouldn't be worrying her. "Heather. Don't listen to your thoughts. You are Amazing! Heather... I love you." She said as she blushed. My eyes widened. Did she just say that. There's no way... It cant be real... I smiled. "I love you too..."

 Then I hear my alarm and I wake up... "...."