blessed

phone call

1. october 1st, 2019

This was the day that tore apart my life for almost 3.5 years. I remember it perfect as daylight even after 4 years (and possibly even present time).

I was a believer in Christ before this day, I grew up in a Christian household. My life already gave struggles, but I never thought it would get worse.

It was 1:52pm. I was in 7th language arts, joking with one of my friends I had at the time when the teacher's class phone rang. I remember the whole class getting quiet, it was always fun to listen to the conversations teachers had with each other. I remember my teacher picking it up and answering it. Not even a minute later, I received the news that I never knew would place a permanent mark to my brain for the rest of my life.

Your mom is in the hospital, you'll be going home with the Miller's.

The Miller's were my best friends at the time, but I was concerned for my mother. I asked what happened but the secretary never was suspefic, just that she was fine.

She wasn't.

I remember right after school I was in the passenger seat of my best friends's mom's car driving 40 minutes to the closest hospital. I can't remember much from the moments of getting the the hospital to seeing my mom in her hospital room. It was a blur.

She was in the hospital with only books for a week, she was there for her birthday even. I remember over that week, I was sworn to secrecy about what happened. I felt empty.

Finally, the doctor sat my dad and I down one day and told my mother's diagnosis. Paranoia depression and anxiety. She got social security in the first try—it usually takes at least five.

I wasn't allowed to tell anyone about mom for two years til I let loose one day.

Those 3.5 years were the worst years of my life. I lost my faith in Christ without even realizing it. I lost friendships because I closed them off and because of Covid starting. I lost a part of myself that is slowly growing back into my life every year.

I didn't realize a verse later in my life would become to special to me. "For those who survived the sword will find grace in the wilderness". (Jeremiah 31:2 NLT)

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