I Am Zita

Chapter 4 "Bending Reality"

"Oh God if I agree... what horror waits for me? Within the obscurity of my being..."

Life can always be a challenge wherein change is inevitable. In a split second, a daunting task will linger in your fantasies, ruining your chances of a good life. The clutches of man's greed can sometimes lead to road blocks indicating a severe apprehensive voice inside your head telling you to get out. I was indeed a slave to those people who are willing to taste the flesh of the innocent.

Call me whatever you want... slut, b*tch, whore, tramp... It doesn't bother me. I am permitting myself to be used this way... No matter what the consequences are.

I'm afraid on what outcome am I going to see. I can't let this happen. My future with Joaquin will entirely change... Oh God please.

I was looking at myself on the mirror of our bathroom, my breathing pattern was deep and I can't help but tremble. My hands are turning into fist ready to hit myself. Though, I tried to calm myself by massaging my temples as I wait.

"What are you doing?"

I turned around and saw Joaquin standing at the doorway. He was curious as he studied my facial expression. My heart began to beat really fast. I couldn't speak because I know I will get in trouble for this.

"What are you holding? Let me see that?" he said, reaching what's on my hand. He narrowed his eyes while forming a frown on his face. I was not responding.

I turned my head back to look at myself on the mirror again. I took a deep breath and slowly gazed to see the result of my pregnancy test.

It's negative.

I smiled for a bit as I give a sigh of relief. I turned around to face Joaquin raising the pregnancy stick on the level of his eyes.

"I'm not pregnant. We're good." I said in my most casual way.

He then focused his eyes on me as I throw away the kit on a garbage can beside the toilet. I leaned both my hands on the sink as we start a staring game. His jaw was clenching. I looked away as I bit my lip.

"Since when are you off the pills?" he asked in a low tone of voice. "I told you—"

"Since last month." I answered quickly cutting him off.

He shook his head as he brushes his hair up irritably. "I told you many times that you can't get pregnant! You know that!! Heck, you have a long list of clients' eager to... to..."

I raised my eyebrow at him and said, "To f*ck me?"

He sighed in frustration, restraining himself to hurt me. "Get dressed... Mr. Callahan will be picking you up in an hour."

I eyed him as I walked out of the bathroom, bumping onto his shoulder. I went to our bedroom and closed the door behind me.

I was indeed selling myself to satisfy the demons of hell. Joaquin knew about my late night profession that I was hiding from him for months. I suspected that Frida was the one who told him about it but I doubted the thought at the end. Because she was the one who hooked me up with the job to begin with. Joaquin on the other hand was not even mad. He was surprisingly excited for me. He was happy that I was even open for the idea of bearing it all out. So he made me a proposition about 6 months ago, he said that if I wanted to make more money for us, I should play with the big boys. I was not even sure what he was saying at first but he explained it further to me. He said that it was for our own good, for our future and our protection.

Then I asked to myself, how he could bear the thought of someone else touching me? Doesn't it affect him in some ways? Why is he doing this to me?

"Are you dressed yet?" said Joaquin knocking on our bedroom door. "Hurry up!"

He opened the door because I was not responding. He found me sitting on the foot of our bed staring blankly into nothingness. He approached me kneeling down in front of me as he held my cold hands. His dark brown eyes are now tamed. I longed for him to look at me like this. I miss the boy who persistently fought for me and loved me with all of his heart. I need him back.

He caressed my face to get my attention, "I love you. I know I act like I don't but I do. Sometimes... we need to sacrifice some things for the greater good. I need you to do this for us. You know what will happen if we disobey them. I can't let them slaughter our families."

A tear dropped from my eye as I looked down on his loving hands, "H-How did we get here, Joaquin? Why am I really doing this?"

He then hugged me, caressing my hair, "I told you, this is for our future. Soon, we will leave this place and we will never come back. We will get married and have kids. We will be together without any restrictions."

I buried my head on his shoulders as I hugged him back, "We'll get married?"

"Yes." He said in his gentle captivating voice. "I need you to trust me on this, okay? I love you so much."

We looked at each other as I give him a sweet kiss. "You don't know how much I love you, Joaquin. I trust you and I will do anything for you."

He smiled as he wipes my tears using his right hand, "Always think of me and you'll be okay. I promise."

I nodded, giving him a bit of my smile.

He nodded as well then he stood up reaching for my hand, "Let's go. He's waiting for you."

I reached out for his hand as he leads me to another night with a sadistic monster. Once again, I was cloaked with the darkness, concealing my true self to satisfy the savage lions. Mystifying them with the love that they long to have.

My name will embrace you like a wild fire, engulfing you until you are down on your knees, begging..., asking for more..., and spanning reality until I've delivered you to your own grace.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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