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Jade
I try to catch my breath as I wake up, all sweaty, insanely scared.
The panic attack is inevitable.
I glance at the clock - it's only 4am. My mom is probably sleeping, I don't know what to do. I'm somehow more teriffied than usually, Olivia is not next to me.
I'm trying my best to suppress my upcoming attack, but my eyes get more teary and teary, and the air doesn't reach my lungs again. I try to count, but I cannot focus.
I grab my phone that I put on the nightstand. It seems like the only great solution.
I feel incredibly guilty when I call Olivia in a middle of the night, shakily holding my phone, and trying to be the quietest, so my mom won't know about my state.
Fuck, Olivia, pick up.
What if she silenced her phone for the night?
After total of five signals, Olivia's face appears on the screen. I can tell I woke her up, she looks exhausted.
"Jade, what's happening?" she asks, her tone sounds worried.
"I-i can't breathe", I let out, placing the phone on my lap. I'm all shaking.
"Is it a panic attack, love?" Liv asks very softly. She was way too sweet for me.
I nod, whimpering. "I had a dream about my dad and Blake..."
"Shhh, I'm here. They're not with you, that was just a nightmare. Will you follow my breathing, Jade?"
I nod, listening to Olivia counting. But I can't focus this time, all I have on my mind is my dad and brother. "It doesn't help", I let out, choking on.
"Oh man, Jade, that must be so hard for you... how can I help you?" Liv seems helpless.
"I don't know, I can't stop thinking about it!" I start coughing, my chest hurts unimaginably much.
"Do you wanna hear the new that I wrote today?" Olivia asks all of sudden. Definitely not what I need to hear right now, but I can't complain, maybe her singing is going to help.
"Yes", I breathe out.
"Okay", she moves her phone somewhere, "it's called white flowers".
I start listening to her singing, I try to focus on the lyrics.
The song sounds beautiful, but the lyrics is so heartbreaking. Since I was so focused on it, I stopped controlling my breath. The fatigue hits me just now, I sigh as Olivia turns off her piano.
"I love it, Liv, you're so talented", I say, resting my head on the pillow.
"Did it help? Are you calm?" she asks and lays down in her bed.
