The Crash: Book Two - Heart on Fire

Chapter Five: So F*ckin' Special

Bella

"I don't care if it hurts. I wanna have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice. When I'm not around. So fuckin' special. I wish I was special. But I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doin' here? I don't belong here"

- Creep (Radiohead)

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

"I don't like it." I said aggressively. "Angela should be off limits."

"He said he has a connection to her, nothing more. I don't believe he means any harm." Carlisle said with more confidence than I had.

"Should we warn her about this man?" Esme asked from her spot on the couch, she was leaning forward clearly worried about Angela.

"Is Angela the point here? He could pose a threat to us, if the Volturi are looking for him. I know that's reaching but it is a possibility, he said he doesn't share their values. There is also something about him I just don't trust, and I can tell he is hiding something huge from us." Rose spoke clearly and earnestly, doing her best not to sound biased. I felt my eyes linger on her a second too long, and as I looked away I spotted Edward giving me a knowing look. Had he read Rose's mind and found something there about me? About us?

"Perhaps, but we don't share their values either. More to the point, the Volturi do not just hunt down our kind without a violation of the law." Carlisle startled me when he responded, and as I looked over at him I noticed he appeared pensive, but then quickly shook his head. "We just met the man, and if he is old enough to have created Aro..."

"He is older than you think. He predates Greece." Edward interjected and I tried not to scowl at him.

"Jesus." Emmett said, whistling.

"He is also into medicine, cars, and pretty much everything else. I think he means right by us. But there is something you should know. He can sense our abilities; he knows I can read minds and Alice has visions. And Bella, he explained why I cannot read your mind." Edward looked at me and I tried to be receptive, I didn't like feeling hostile so I managed a receptive smile and tried to force myself to anticipate his words.

"There's a reason beyond me being a freak of nature?" My sarcasm was sharp and came from a place of poor self image that had built up over most of my life.

"You have a defensive power, a mental shield. It is why you can block my ability. Who knows what that might extend to?" He looked almost hopeful, but his tone came across as trying to teach something to a toddler. I sneered at him and was about to respond when Carlisle spoke, interrupting my anger.

"She could block Aro." Carlisle said with raised eyebrows.

"Or Jane." Rosalie visibly shuddered.

"Um... You guys were talking about Aro like he is important, should I know who he is?" I asked trying not to show my frustration or confusion.

"The Volturi. Aro is one of their leaders, he can see every thought you ever had with only a touch. Jane and Alec are their most powerful enforcers." Carlisle explained. "I'll go over all of that tomorrow as planned."

"Sure." I nodded, although I hated being in the dark about things that felt so important.

"Not to change the subject, well actually staying a bit on subject, but I have a question for Bella." Alice said with a wide smile. "Do you think you are strong enough to resist humans?"

"No idea, although I feel in control of myself. But I'm honestly not sure." I shook my head, I knew where she was going with this, and I wanted nothing more than to have my best friend there to lean on. Angela had been my anchor, my confidant and my friend in such a way that I could barely remember a time when she wasn't a part of my life. Even those distant human memories of my visits to Forks when I was a kid came to life after I became a vampire. I could clearly remember spending time with Angela, and was surprised to realize even back then we preferred each other's company. It made me realize how much I had missed by staying with Mom instead of living with Dad.