Isekai dump

Cillian's a noble ch. 2

When I realized I was reborn, my life became a movie after. I always thought my mentality would help me. I would say 'fuck it,' or I would go with the flow but that is far from the truth. I didn't say 'fuck it,' and rather than go with the flow, I chose to be compliant. Those were two different things. I often looked at my hands after, moving them in a slow turn. A palm to backhand using my sleek brown eyes to watch the shifting creases in my youthful hands. Knowing that my skin and eyes are too light in weight and color. It hasn't even been a decade but considering the literal sense of a lifetime, I'm not lying to myself when I say it has felt like a lifetime ago. It was like waking up. I remembered when I was three but took the remnants and information into more serious consideration when I was six.

Tennyson was scheduled to have a playdate, which was unusual considering he was 4 and more unusual because I hadn't had one of my own yet. I was aware of the keen gazes of the maidservants. Before I couldn't get a sense for their verbiage but I grew into it. I knew the playdate was causing the maids to make a fuss. The change in my treatment turned gradual and subtle but not dehumanizing. I wasn't always observant but being a noble meant having a social life, that, I knew of. Most noble families have two children but I didn't think much of it at the time. Considering the favoritism my Mother is privileged with, the birth of my siblings was out of impulsivity not out of some grand nefarious plan. I know if I ever have a downfall at my Mother's hands it's not intentional. I don't know if it's worse, to lack the awareness for those you have harmed or someone preying your downfall.

The playdate and subtle change in my interactions made me think about what it was to be of nobility. I would have to procure an image. I would have to serve my King before the citizens. Down the list, I went, as the second son, I would be a sacrifice if I didn't make myself useful. I would go to war. That, I couldn't do to Tennyson. My daily life was already passive as it was. Compared to my peers when it comes to manners, looks, and skills, at best, I am mediocre. The only privilege I have is being born into a Duke family and the shelter my Mother provides from her previous title as the princess. I felt the weight of my life for what it was. My position in life was a statement, a boundary for what others couldn't touch. I knew that those ideologies weren't the truth but they didn't disprove the reality of my situation. I am the second son of a Dukedom and I had to be serious about it. Feeling the weight, the fantastical eccentricities of this world coincidently caught up to me enabling my past life idiosyncrasies and detracting away from my commitment to the situation. Starting with a string of organizations from guilds of merchants, adventurers, and mercenaries to creatures of fantasy and finally magic and a tower dedicated to its research.

"Fuck," I remember drilling the carpet with my imploring stare. 

I had read too many Isekai stories to know which one I was in, and my memories could only stay so vivid after I recalled them. The care that I had for my position in life and the 'duties' that came with it was only momentary because I realized something more harrowing. I wasn't plain reincarnated, I was isekai'd. It was the reason for my lackadaisical attitude and ignorance, The reason for my demeanor. The reason for the way people act like stereotypes. The reason why I was a stereotype. My observation skills are abysmal but my isekai bullshit radar is not. The day my Mother gave birth to Alistair, the radar rang like hell. Whoever the main character is, Alistair will lead me to them. Which I do not want because I can tell they're not someone to mess with. It's not an if when it comes to war, it's a when and I would rather not be around the protagonists and their tragedies when I have to take my place.   

a-n.. .

I really need to come up with a better title.